The Intergalactic Daily Message (D.M. - Die Emmers, get it, its frigging brilliant) Hosted by the Holiday House constituents in Cape Town. Spreading the good news to YOU, whilst creating the illusion that you never left home and we still love you.

Tuesday, May 24

not much else to say...

hello buckets united...

well i don't have too much to say for myself except i'm blonde...finally...and that my team manchester united managed to f*ck up the FA Cup royally on saturday past. Yes indeed, while I was planning on a lil powernap around 6 on sat afternoon, they managed to dominate the game entirely, kick some serious *ss, however forgot that one actually has to put the ball into the net in order to actually win the cup. And so after like an hour of extra time, it unfortunately resulted in a penalty shootout...something like 21 years since this happened in a FA Cup final. Anyways my good friend Paul Scholes managed to kick the ball straight into their goalkeepers hands....and thus resulting in a big fat loss!! Very sad day for Man U...and well, I never got that much needed powernap!

And so while most of u got bored after my first sentence, I leave u with a touch of tuesday smut to liven up them non-football folk...



A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this
HUGE African American guy standing next to him. The big guys sees the
little guy staring at him, looks down and says:
"7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 14 inch penis, 1 pound left testicle, 1 pound
right testicle...Turner Brown."
The small man faints dead away and falls to the floor. The big guy
kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big fellow says,
"What's wrong with you?" In a weak voice the little guys says, "What EXACTLY did
you say to me?"
The big dude says, "I saw the curious look and figured I'd just give
you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall,
I weight 350 pounds, I have a 14 inch penis, my left testicle weighs 1
pounds, my right testicle weighs 1 pounds and my name is Turner Brown."
The small guy says, "Turner Brown?
Thank God! I thought you said "Turn around."


********


A man goes to a chemist and says "I've 3 girls coming to my home tonight, i need something to keep me going for the whole night". The chemist gives him 3 boxes of Viagra extra strength. Next day the man limps back to the shop and shows the chemist his manhood, its black and blue all over. "Give me a bottle of deep heat" he says. "You can't put deep heat on that" says the chemist in horror. "No" says the man, "its for my arm, the girls never showed up"!



Thanks go to Cally Ambler-Smith for providing us all with such a charming couple of sentences...

And now my peeps...back to work!!

1 Comments:

Blogger Slammin Jammin said...

Nice one saartjie, i might have to expel you if you make any more pointless soccer posts, nice jokes though

4:07 PM

 

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