In the eyes of the ranger part 99

Contrary to popular belief, the phone book isnt a directory; it is actually a list of people Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked today... and how many times.

Chuck Norris doesnt get an erection; an erection gets Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris goes to a stip club, the girls tip him.

Chuck Norris doesn't need a lighter to light a cigarette, he just stares at it till it starts to burn.

Chuck Norris doesn't shower the dirt just jumps off from fear.

Chuck Norris refers to himself in fourth person.

Chuck Norris uses Viagra eyedrops so he can look hard.

Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris ends every relationship with "Its not me, its you".

Whenever Chuck Norris's wife asks him nicely to do the dishes, he throws them in the garbage and tells her she looks fat.