The parrot

A bloke is browsing around a pet shop when he sees a parrot on a perch
with no feet or legs. The guy says out loud, "Jesus, what happened to
you?"

The parrot replies, "I was born this way, I'm a defective parrot."

"For fu&@k's sake," says the bloke. "You actually understood me and
answered me."

"I got every word," replies the parrot. "I am actually a very
intelligent and thoroughly educated bird."

"Oh yeah?" the bloke asks. "Then answer me this: How do you hang onto
your perch without any feet?"

"Well," says the parrot, "this is very embarrassing, but since you
asked, I wrap my cock around the bar like a little hook. You can't
see it because of my feathers."

"Wow," says the man, "you really can understand and speak English.

Actually, I can speak both Spanish and English and I can converse with
reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion,
sports anything. I'd be a great companion."

Five minutes later the guy walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by and
the parrot is sensational. He understands everything; he sympathises,
and he's insightful. The guy is delighted with his acquisition. Then
one day he comes in from work and the parrot motions him over with his
wing, "Pssst, I don't know if you should know this or not, but your
wife opened the door to the milkman this morning wearing just a
see-through nightie and kissed him passionately."

"WHAT???" asks the man in disbelief. "Then what happened?"
"Well the milkman came into the house and lifted her nightie and began
rubbing her all over," reported the parrot.

"MY GOD!" exclaims the bloke. "Then what?"

"Then he began licking her large breasts, then her tummy, slowly
working his way down....."

"WELL!!! THEN WHAT HAPPENED?" he boomed.....

"FU&@K KNOWS, I GOT A HARD ON AND FELL OFF THE PERCH!!!!!!"