Suprise visitor

Have I got good news for everyone.

Slightly hungover the jam was about to roll out of his bed the other day, but something was in his way. No, it was not his blow up doll, and no it was not his pet crocodile. It was a jolly red guy chewing bubblegum.

Jam: " Morning dude, (chough chough) mind passing me that bottle of water"

Guy:" ho ho ho, no fackin problem Jam"

Jam:" (Glugg glugg), hey!!( glugg glugg) who are you, you jolly fat freak, and what are you doing on my designer pillow?"

Guy:" Ho ho ho, I'm Secret Santa and where is your Ho ho ho?

Jam:" It was not that kinda party" Did you bring me presents.

Secret Santa:" That depends, have you been a good boy?"

Jam:" Fo shizzle secret santa look Exhibit A- no Ho, exhibit B – I hung up my pants before I went to bed, exhibit C – mmm, well, there was this old lady and Ahh I’ve got nothing.”

Secret Santa:” Good enough, ho ho ho, I brought you some kick ass presents, First up, here is a personal letter from Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris stating that they are sorry for trying to kick you ass, and when they get released from hospital, they will personally round house kick everyone who ever said any nasty about the Jam.

Jam:" they friggin better. Hey Secret Santa, keep your hands above the duvet, I'm watching you."

Secret santa:" Sorry I thought it was a cookie. What Else do I have for you, mmm yes, You shall have no hangovers for the rest of the festive season."

Jam:"Gimme a hug"

Secret Santa: "wait, there is more. I have decided that there shall be no expelsions on Die Emmers"

Jam:" Serious"

Secret Santa:" Seeriiiaaaaas" your little godcomplex have gone too far. Anyhoozy, There are only three competitors left, Esmarelda can stay cause she got the most votes and K mac is going to be a famous actor one day and Spoonk has been in too many magazines not to keep on."

Jam:" I hear you santa, I was actually going to post about that today, Here have a cookie.

Secret Santa:" I don’t eat that kinda Cookie"

Jam:" get off my bed you sick f*ck"

Just for the record, do not confuse Secret Santa with the other Santa. Secret Santa is a distant cousin that brings useless pressies on end of the year functions and dinner parties. There is also a case pending against him involving misconduct with some elves. They are giving no comments at this stage.