The Intergalactic Daily Message (D.M. - Die Emmers, get it, its frigging brilliant) Hosted by the Holiday House constituents in Cape Town. Spreading the good news to YOU, whilst creating the illusion that you never left home and we still love you.

Friday, April 28

Who are you?


You might remember our loyal fan from Gastonia. Well there are two more mystery readers that are spending much more time than is healthy on this site:

  1. A person from Liverpool. England, ISP - Talk Internet
  2. Another from Anchorage, Alaska, USA. ISP -Gci Communications Inc



If you are any of the above two people please make contact in the comment section. You are the only hardcore readers from your town, so if you are even contemplating whether I am talking you you, then i most probally am.
We are all very intrigued, please put us out of our misery.

Thursday, April 27

It's the right thing to do!

It is not often in this world of chaos and destruction that you have the opportunity of witnessing an act of pure selfless abandon…Ok that’s probably taking it a step too far but this guys got the right idea and it is a noble cause. So click the link and help one man achieve a universal dream.
http://www.helpwinthisbet.com/

Wednesday, April 26

Who's your daddy?

This only is definately only for the guys. Do you remember that Benni Benassi video sometime last year with all the hot chicks working with power tools? Of course you do. Well for his song "who's your daddy/" he once again went beyond the call of duty.

Wild west shoot out

Johannesburg - Three men were shot dead on Tuesday morning while trying to rob a house in Bertrams, Johannesburg, police said.
Inspector Mosima Manganyi said the men, who had two firearms and a knife, entered the house at about 05:00.
One of them waited outside with a gun, while the other two went upstairs.
The 60yr old owner of the house went out to his car and was approached by one of the men.
"He screamed and his son came out with a firearm and fired at the suspect hitting him in the chest and he collapsed," said Manganyi.
On hearing the gunshot, another robber came downstairs and started shooting in the son's direction. The son, who is 23, fired one shot in return and the robber was killed instantly.
Robber shot while trying to escape
The third robber, who was armed with a knife, tried to hide under a bed but the son found him.
"As he was trying to run for his life, he was shot twice in the head," said Manganyi.
The men, aged between 25 and 30, died on the scene, after total of 30 shots were fired.
Police confiscated two 9mm pistols and a knife, and a murder docket has been opened.

Happy Birthday Die emmers

IT"S TRUUEEE, Die Emmers turn 1 today!!!! jipppeeee

There where good times, sad times, expultions, new members, controvacy, bad spelling, posting under extreme hangovers, posting under gunpoint, posting under moonshine.. I need to stop now, the tears are welling up...
here is a little little photo montage of the people that made it happen.
Now in no specific order, I give you .......... Die Emmers

Thanks allot

Tuesday, April 25

"Chicks dig porn too"...Apparently.

Password accepted

I have seen other sites publish vanity plates and it always looked all so easy. Hell friggin no. I had to chase this sucker down. Wheels spins round sharp corners yadda yadda. This BMW and me had somewhere seriaasly important to be. And once you are close enough to whip out the camera he starts heading off again. Thank goodness I have a advanced driving dimploma or I might have let the rainy Cape Town streets get the better of me. Now for all that effort, its a really crappy plate. XXXXXXX, what does that mean

Monday, April 24

BBBBBBBBB and counting


For a full visual report on the madness go here

Friday, April 21

Once upon a time on a wine tour...

Go make your own comic strip here...

Thursday, April 20

Sometimes advertisers really do not think it through


I will let Brett take the credit for this one

Finally..

In times of great need, people look for a great man to show them the way and lead them to a brighter future...

Look no more America, that man is here.

Ha ha, funny thing is, he will probally do a better job.

Wednesday, April 19

I amSTERDAM


I think i had the funniest weekend of my life! I laughed till my tummy ached and tears streamed down my face. Part of me is affraid to try and share our hillarious moments with you ...

This is one of the funniest things i have seen. Skinny long legged JP on a little bicycle.
We hired bikes and headed for the park. The park was fine but it was dodging the other bikes, trams , trains and automobiles that come at you from ALL dirrections . Getting all 5 of us there alive was a task in itself but once we were in the tranquil setting of the park no one wanted to brave the big bad city to get the "dam" bikes back. I Guess you had to be there....

There were so many topic for Die Emmers on the weekend so i am sure the others will do there posts in due time .It is such an awesome city to explore and literally every and anything goes. From cute restuarants to rustic coffee shops to ladies sitting in windows or just crusing the street in bright pink underwear, fallic statues and delious cheese. I had a blast and I'm still trying to recover from exhaustion.

Growing Pains










Angelina, 5, was always going to be a pretty little thing.










Demi at 3? Well she gives the ugly ducklings hope.










Emenim, 11, in his "not so bad ass white boy" years










Jean Claude, 4, looks scared! But what could the muscles from Brussels fear?!











Chuck aged 2...never had to take his own food money to kindergarden.

You have been warned


via

Who is Gnarls Barkley?

Why have I never heard about this guy? He kicks ass.

"So who is Gnarls Barkley? Diligent pen pal to Bangs, soul giant Isaac Hayes, and Violent Femmes ringleader Gordon Gano? Well-kept romantic consort to pop stars Mariah Carey and Janet Jackson? English teacher to synth-rock legends Kraftwerk? Croupier at a mysterious annual gathering in the Bay Area that allegedly draws members of the Wu-Tang Clan and Britian's Stuckist art collective? It seems that, in the music world, Gnarls Barkley is always nearby yet impossible to find. The membership rolls of both the Atlanta hip hop collective Dungeon Family and Athens, Georgia’s psychedelic enclave Elephant Six list Barkley as an affiliate, but mention him to either group and they’ll shoot each other frightened looks and start talking basketball. The rumors fly hard in every direction and remain defiantly unverifiable."

Give him a listen, I promise you he will not disappoint. Thanks Nev for enlightening me.

Tuesday, April 18

12 Things Possibly Worth Knowing:

  1. In Lebanon , men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
  2. In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from
    looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
  3. Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
  4. The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
  5. There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time.
    Reason: Under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
  6. In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
  7. Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool , England - but only in tropical fish stores.
  8. In Cali, Colombia , a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
  9. In Santa Cruz, Bolivia , it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.
  10. In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception:
    Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."
  11. Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
  12. Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

Now don't you all feel enriched?

The Correct Way to Come Home Drunk...

Two married friends are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says,
"You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights offbefore I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage.Take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toiletand pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL Wakes Up, and Yells at me for staying out so late! "

His friend looks at him and says "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap her on the ass and say!, WHO'S H0RNY????!!!" and she acts like she's sound asleep!

Works Every Time!!!

Get to know your friends

DMers wants all your desktops. Why? Cause we want to get to know you better. We want to understand you. You can tell allot about a person by just looking at the image they chose to represent their computer. Here are some examples:






















































Its very easy to do

1. minimise all windows
2. press the Print Scrn button
3. open a new mail to kingslip@hotmail.com
4. Simply press Crtl + V
5. and send

Then we will publish the ALL on our photography site, the Frippit

Wednesday, April 12

Bella Italia!!


Have just returned from my 10 days solo in the beautiful italia! I was told by the jeepmeister (aka the lurve ninja to "Watch out for those Italian Stallions"just before I set off) I actually did come across quite a few of these cheesey fellows, and actually saw one with the words: "Dark Lover" inscribed on his t-shirt (no joking)

It was a trip composed of mainly sighseeing and soul-searching, however I did manage to squeeze the Milan Furniture Fair in. Think I have seen enough day beds to last me a couple of months...

Embarrassed to say that I am feeling exhausted from all the train trips, queuing etc. (once again - "Not quite the billy goat i once thought i was....") but catch my next flight outta here early tomorrow morning with the holland and two of the de beer reps. i am sure we are going to have a fantastic easter weekend in amsterdam... will report back next week.

love essmeralda

How exited are you..

about the new Spidey movie? I am shaking in my boots. But the wait is still loooong.May 4 2007, friggen hell, thats like 386 days away. Here is the recently launched official website to keep you going.


Black tights this time, our boy is getting kinky.

Wrap and sprinkle

So some stores have a wrapping service. I normally get so infuriated by the wait, that by the time they want to add the ribbon I want to strangle them with it.
Kudo's to @home. They have incorporated a lovely little cofee shop into their gift wrapping service. Now instead of waiting around like a fool and intensifying your cognitive dissonance while they wrap, you can enjoy a good steaming cup 'o Jamaican mountain blue. "yes, please add the blue ribbon and sprinkle some stars over it" Its all about the peace and tranquility in the jammin's world at this stage and @home is getting it just right.

Tuesday, April 11

Happy Easter...for some.

Warning! The following image may disturb younger viewers and some vegetarians.

Rare please, monneypenny


The future is upon us, (thanks mr. Cherryflava) Imagine branding your steaks, thats right the same as you would do your cattle or your offspring. this is incredible.

Before you forget who wants their meat how cooked, you simple whip this little poker out from your coal factory and Gtssssscchhh!!. Well for some of us seasoned braaiers forgetting is against the rules. But its damn cool any ways. Now if someone cool is having their birthday soon, then this might be the ideal gift. hint hint

more info here

Monday, April 10

Off the mark

She loves your town


If everything goes according to plan then she loves the city you are sitting in right now. Aint it cool what technology is used for these days.
Via

Zuma lowdown

For those of you living outside South Africa and have missed our current political scandal involving ex-deputy president Jacob Zuma; here is the skinny low down
Its a humourous look by an English person living here in SA. Quite a fresh perspective. the blog is calledonly thing is that I thought we kinda had some civilization of our own.

Thursday, April 6

plot thickens


When Michael Jackson was a kid, he was molested by Chuck Norris

Ahh, they are comming to get us!!!

LONDON, APRIL 4: The music industry launched a new wave of lawsuits and criminal proceedings against file-sharers across Europe on Tuesday, part of its drive to curb online piracy and encourage the use of legal music services.

About 2,000 cases were launched in 10 countries, the International Federation of the Phonographic Industry (IFPI) said in a statement, bringing the total to 5,500 people in 18 countries. That figure does not include the United States, covered by its sister group, the Recording Industry Association of America, which has filed about 18,000 lawsuits. More

Hopefully Africa will catch on in the usual 20 year period

Brandy stain


Ha ha ha ha, the reason mr. J is not at work today, mixed in with some seriaas Losers complex, is this little adjustment to his vehicle.

I have been knocking on his door for the story, but all I am getting is a "no comment"

Tuesday, April 4

Tiger Woods, Eat your heart out...

Golf Shirts: Ugly

This weekend the Intrepid Mr J, accompanied by his trusty sidekick Borsel "AKA I vomit in moving cars" Booysen took on all comers at the Invites only Ernie Els Signature Course Challenge in George.

Mr J staring down the flag

In true Die Emmers style, we cleaned up the competition, despite Borsel having a bit of a toilet hugging competition the night before the final round.

All in all we had a pretty fricken awesome weekend, complete with free booze. (Hence the toilet hugging). Id like to thank my mentor, the Jammin, without whose insights into the pitfalls of putting from the rough, none of this would have been possible.

Monday, April 3

Moira is back and about time too


AAAH, I almost did not notice, but we have a new contributor. I sent the invite out about a month ago and she finally accepted. Go Moira!!

Some of you might remember her as our polical contributor (We booted her due to a lack of posting, but she has since apologized and we invited her back.) She spends her time between Pretoria - RSA , Leiden - Holland and the UN hq - New York City where she plots to take over the world, accompanied by her archiologist man slave.

We cant wait for your first news from the Nederlands, let it rip poffie!

Ohhh, winter is comming

The frippit streches its wings


The Frippit has got a new, up and comming photographer. The Stephmeister. The official lady behind most of our pictures anyway. Lots of photies to follow.