The Intergalactic Daily Message (D.M. - Die Emmers, get it, its frigging brilliant) Hosted by the Holiday House constituents in Cape Town. Spreading the good news to YOU, whilst creating the illusion that you never left home and we still love you.

Tuesday, January 31

Foot in Mouth Disease

We have those moments when you've just had a nice couple of glasses of something and you are feeling happy with the world and you want to talk to anyone who wants to listen. This is normally the perfect opportunity to really throw name.
Let me give you a classic example. Take this guy in the picture here.
Now somehow in the mingling crowd I find out that he is the actual owner of the horse that i am about to bet on. Whoo hoo, maybe he can tell me if I am in the money. So I strike up a little conversation about this and that, but out of the corner of my eye I notice he is on crutches. No biggie, people are on crutches all the time.

Just that second another lady walks by on crutches aswell. I think its a good time to chirp: "It seems that crutches are all the rage this season" His mood suddenly turns sour and he replies with some angry eyes: "I actually take offence to that".

Not really knowing whats going on I tell him:" Ag don't worry about it. I was actually on crutches for 12 months once (i really was), I know what it feels like". But the conversation was ruined. He just turned back to his friends and ignored me. Well, I did the same.

But standing with my mates I take one more glance over to him and then It hits me; HE ONLY HAS ONE LEG. bugger bugger bugger. I have so much foot in my mouth I can hardly breathe. Sorry buddy, didnt mean to, but it was one of those situations where by if you say anything you would just be digging a bigger hole for youself, so I said nothing.
No if you are reading this at all, Mr. One Leg, I would sincerly like to apologise for my chirp. Bad taste. I know. Its still haunting me.

Monday, January 30

hoff comedy (only 1.24Mb)

DOWNLOAD THE HOFF AT HIS BEST - this is funny !!!

Time to call in the big dogs

Met Slet

Some of your fearless DMer reporters went to find out what this Met thing really is? (for some of them it was their 8th time, but somehow they keep losing all their research). There has been doubts raised in the recent past, but they where there in seach of the truth.










The result: The Met rocks its pants of, there is something to be said for wearing your Sunday best and getting right tanked, more pics here

Thursday, January 26

and in other news...

this saturday's winning lotto numbers are going to be as follows:

3, 27, 21, 23,38, 44 with the bonus being 15.

hope this helps - have a great friday, um not tooo big as we have the MET on saturday!!

just to get you in the mood here are some of my pics from last year, don't forget to visit Zebra Crossing...

ciao bella



a little too close for comfort


more pics here

Wednesday, January 25

24hrs in my day...





A six pack in as many seconds !

Shammings - the Tanga


Ladies and Gentlemen, I bring you the shame that is Mr. Shaun "Omo" Omahony, the coolest cat that Jo'burg has ever seen caputered here wearing nothing but his lucky Tanga's. Do they still make tangas? Who says tanga anyways?
Now if you are wondering what book he is reading, i'll enlighten you, It's called Pillars of the Earth,
Quite appropiate, ha ha

random culture post

Yes, you guessed right, that is indeed a cup of coffee, damn it's pretty, I might not ever want to drink it (well I theory I cannot due to this damn detox that is ruining my life) but if you want to see more coffee art just click here

In other art related news. Art classes has started again in the city bowl, R60 a pop, here is info about our new teacher.
Give us a shout if you are keen, we even paint naked people from time to time.

Monday, January 23

Areal review

Recently some DMers took to the sky to investigate what all these damn seagulls are squacking about. They are all:" Squackity Squack squauaaaack". What they have been trying to tell us is this: "Dude, you must friggin check the view from up there, its all up in here, y'all"


For more photo's you can mosey over to our Photo Log: The Frippit

Just the other day in Downtown Jozie...

A Zimbabwean arrives in Jo'burg as a new immigrant in South Africa.

He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says,
"Thank you Mr. South African, for letting me in this country, and
giving
me
free housing, food, free medical care, affirmative action job and free
education!"
But the passer-by says, "You are mistaken, I am a Nigerian."

The man goes on and encounters another passer-by.
"Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in South Africa!"
The person says, "I'm not South African, I'm from Mozambique."

The new arrival walks further and the next person he sees he stops,
shakes hands and says, "Thank you for the wonderful South Africa!"
That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Transkei, I am not a
South
African ..."

He finally sees a lady and asks suspiciously, "Are you a South African?
She says, "No, I am from Ghana!" So he is puzzled and asks her, "Where
are all the south Africans?"

The Ghanaian lady looks at her watch, shrugs, and
says......."Probably at work!"

Sunday, January 22




More here.

Thanks Chumpstyle.

Thursday, January 19

Game Set Match




If you are going to pay tennis, you might aswell do it in style

Dubai strikes again.

To all of those.....

...punkasses that ridiculed the Jam Jar's move to the Boerewors curtain rail.
You dont get sunset like these in the city bowl, do you.


Apologies are accepted in the comment section

Things to ponder while you are attempting a Thursday

Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.

Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers.

It is not exactly cheating, I prefer to consider it creative problem solving.

Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know where to shop.

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Forgive your enemies, but remember their names.

The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Dont worry that the world ends today; its already tomorrow in Australia!

Wednesday, January 18

tiger


To celebrate the release of a street-compatible version of the original 1972 Injector DX Football Shoe Onitsuka Tiger is launching a fun little site featuring the Onitsuka Tiger National Choir's performance of the new song, Lovely Football. The cheeky song is laden with Japanenglish and heralds the sport and entertainment of football.

Its a hellavathing and kak funny. go check it here (with sound)

Fugly

An ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids.
The shopkeeper asks "Are they twins"?
The woman says "No, he's 9 and she's 7.
Why? Do you think they look alike?"
"No", he replies "I just can't believe you got shagged twice"!

Monday, January 16

A GREAT DAY FOR SPINACH...

On this great day, being the 17th of January, a great man was born. Yes indeed, on this day in 1929, Popeye the sailor cracked open his first tin of spinach. But popeye wasn't the only cracker to be born on this day, so was a young fella, once upon a time, in a place not too far away known as Zimbabwe*.

I would like to wish our good friend Pongaz a very happy 29th birthday. You might remember him, all you original DM'ers, as the man who originally started the concept of the “Daily Message”. Yes back then way long ago, before the knowledge of blogs and tag boards, a young friend of ours coined the phrase “quote of the day”…well actually he just used it so often I think I can say that. Every morning he'd get up early all excited because he knew as he'd get to work he could surf the net for por….ahem…a quote for the day with a bright sunshiney message to attach. Something deap and meaningful along the lines of “Just Enjoy, Bobby” or “Whats happening Sh'amaz(sic)”. Needless to say this continued until such time as he suddenly realised he wasn't putting enough time into the stocks and bonds and the job of choosing quotes for the day was put aside.

For those of you who don't know this high-flying, jetsetting, oozing schmoozing, darling of a friend from Jozi, you may find this qualified lawyer/investment banker/BSD at any of the top hip, hop & happening clubs in Joburg or on the feature pages of the latest Marie Claire Sexy Bachelor Issue. He loves to ride bikes (and fall off every now and again), sweet talk the ladies, fly down to Cape Town for a weekend wedding, and attend very brief breakfasts at Arnold's while he breakfast runs back to Joburg after a night on the Cape Town.

Pongaz my darling, if u actually happen to wipe the dust off your “Die Emmer Favourites” button and enter this somewhat unknown territory, I hope that you will one day return…and maybe even make it to the contributors list. We all wish you the happiest day, may the stocks rise (or fall…whatever works to your advantage, sorry), may the moët flow, and may you wake up with a hot blonde (preferably female) and no hangover!

All the best honey, Just Enjoy!

Lots of love, Die Emmers

*(all u foreign people reading this u might wanna look that one up…I'd google Mugabe)

ps…ben will be posting a picture of this sexy birthday man soon…I can't seem to, sorry!!

ICBYDHTAC

This is a concept that was introduced to me by fellow DMer: Jace. Its called:
"I cannot belive you dont have this album" club.
Its more of an approach than a club. When you look at your MP3 collection there are a couple of must have must haves. Those classics that when you mention them at dinner parties and the recipient of you conversation goes:" who?" you can safetly say (and Loudly might I add) " I cannot believe you dont that this album!!!" you get the picture.
I am actually working on a ICBYDHTAC soundtrack list. This is what I have so far:

  • Garden State
  • Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
  • Laural canyon
  • The life aquatic with steve zizzou
  • Amelie
  • Pulp fiction
  • Motorcycle diaries
The list is much longer, but its my first day back at work, and thinking is a new concept.


Then if you havent heard of these guys, make a effort:
We are Scientists
Brooklyn's We Are Scientists create a kitschy, brash mix of new wave and punk rock on their debut album, For Love and Squalor. Fans of Devo, the Strokes, and Franz Ferdinand should be able to get hip to We Are Scientists. Songs such as "Nobody Move, Nobody Get Hurt" and "The Scene Is Dead" once more make art rock fashionable enough for both indie rock mainstays and new millennium pop fans.






Taking photo's with Flash

Photography 101




Thanks Willem

Friday, January 13

Got to love SA



Hey guys
Great seeing you all over the holidays- GOOD TIMES, GOOD TIMES! Can't believe how the time flew!
Have a fab weekend! x

Thursday, January 12

Chuck Norris responds to chucknorrisfacts.com

The action star known for high-style facial hair, high-flyin' kicks, and high-caliber weaponry replied today to spoof site www.chucknorrisfacts.com, which lists such "facts" as
  1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. But he is so badass, he has never cried. Ever.
  2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  4. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
  5. Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*ck down.
Responding on his vanity site, Norris plugs his autobiography and shrugs off the prank domain. "I do know that boys will be boys," he says...

Wednesday, January 11

Back to the grindstone...

Morning kidz.

Well, Im back at the office. Its a scorcher today.The Londoners have left. And I have no money. Enough said. But at least the Vaalies have cleard out.....

On a happier note, big up to all our overseas contributors, it was good to see y'all.

I feel it is my duty to inform fellow Die Emmers about any useful information I might stumble across; here is some of the abovementioned:

Subarshi Sushi Bar: (Ex Waca Matta in town)

Awesome sushi, interesting decor, and genuine Jap waiters. You'll love it. Tell the manager you are a regular Die Emmers reader and youll get 50% off anything on the Sushi Menu till the end off January. No really.Try me on this one. If you arent a regular Die Emmer just tell him you've been to the Jam Jar. If you haven't been to the Jam Jar: Shame on you.

Other intersting news: We have a killer housewarming lined up for the end of the month. Watch this space...... Be good little ones.....

Love,

Mr J

Tuesday, January 10

Nuwe jaar Photies

To those that havent got them yet, they are all here
Loving your work Mr. Pope

Aaargh Matie - What a holiday !

I concurrrr with the Jam - ASEM holiday
KAKCOOOOOW - KAKCOOOOOW

Monday, January 9

I declare this posting season open

My oh my, can i do it, can i claim it. why not. This was the best holiday EVER.
I did not once see the inside of the medi clinic. Cape Town was not overly down trodden by foreigners ( folks from the land of Jozie, that includes you). The weather was sweet, the people were pleasant, the wine flowed, the wind gave us a gap from time to time and I am still on holiday for another week. Ha ha ha, this is only a office dummy run. Inside outside operation, checking the mails and so forth, and then Wednesday its back down to Kenton.

Old Boonie is working on a page full of holiday pics, and the Pope is working on a image overhaul, so keep that in mind, but as the heading has spoken, post away, my young contributors, post away.