The Intergalactic Daily Message (D.M. - Die Emmers, get it, its frigging brilliant) Hosted by the Holiday House constituents in Cape Town. Spreading the good news to YOU, whilst creating the illusion that you never left home and we still love you.

Friday, September 30

This is gonna blow your mind

Now I got a thinking the other day, Why do we love Tequila so much. It tastes like shit, it is overpriced, it gives you a hangover gaurentee (signed, sealed, delivered). Is there a force that is driving us to shout over a madening crowd: " who is in for another tequila?"
Is it possible that we have no control over the situation. Hear me out for a second. Lets imagine there was a subliminal message broadcasted to a entire generation of kids that would alter their drinking habits for years to come. Now think of yourself on any normal night of hitting town, am I right in saying that you are:

Dashing and daring,
Courageous and caring,
Faithful and friendly,
With stories to share.
All through the forest,
They sing out in chorus,
Marching along,
As their song fills the air.


This could probally describe anyone cruzing the town for chicks, having a drinkalong with your buddies, a good dinner party, a decent booty shaking session

Now enter the tequila

Magic and mystery,
Are part of their history,
Along with the secret,
Of gummiberry juice.
Their legend is growing,
They take pride in knowing,
They'll fight for what's right,
In whatever they do.

Gummi Bears!!
Bouncing here and there and everywhere.
High adventure that's beyond compare.
They are the Gummi Bears.
They are the Gummi Bears!!

Read it again and let it sink in.

This is just freakin me out. We've all been programmed as we've been enjoying our afternoon cartoonies. And who is the largest shareholder in Jose Cuervo. Walt Disney of course. They saw us comming a mile away. Enjoy your weekend. Moo ha ha ha ha

Thursday, September 29

The final frontbeer


Whoo hoo, one more day and then we hit the ever anticipated, unelongated weekend. Now as many of you know its October, which means its Beer month. Cause, unlike you Europeans with Munich on your doorstep, we have to make do with smaller scale October Beerfests. The good news is that there is allot of them and they are not all on the same weekend. Here are some goodies:
The only downside is that all of this falls smack bam in the middle of Health Month (Me and Mr. J's attempt to look good on the beach this summer) But I am sure that we can work our way around it.

All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
Sean O'Casey (1880 - 1964)
QWOD

beseech

(transitive verb)
[bi·SEECH]

1. to beg or implore somebody to do something; 'I beseech you to RSVP to the DMer River Camp weekend before its too late':

Anyhoozy, tommorow might be the start of my Golf career, more news on that later.
Keep it real mochacho's

Wednesday, September 28

Born and bred

The difference in definition between "guts" and "balls"!


Guts - is arriving home late after a night out with your mates, being
assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you
still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
 
Balls - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bum
and having the balls to say, "You're next fatty."




ha ha, but if you want to see something crazier,
check out these vacation pictures of some random dutch girls,
I take it they are not shy

Cute

Bakkie Bar


Well having just managed to recover from a punnishing weekend at the hermanus whale festival, thought i'd summon up the energy for a quick post.
The Venue: Boon's Babooned Bungalow
Time: past Fri - Sun
Why: Celebrating Jammin's return
The Gang: Jammin, Mr J, Sera, The Pope, Boon, Rory, Suzanne, Lindsay and Liezel

we all arrived late friday afternoon, some of us having managed to put some quality time in at the german beer hall (Helderbau) in Somerset West. As we all cracked our first cold ones, we goit the fire going and the bar was pulled outside. Well as there was one bar stool short, we had to make a plan and 'THE BAKKIE BAR' was born. Every party needs one - Go and get it!!!

Tuesday, September 27

Olive or a twist.......Problem solved



And just when you thought no man or woman could improve
(in my opinion - I’m still fighting it out with some old school individuals)
the ultimate drink.......................... The Vodka Martini not gin martini….noooo Vodka martini.
Its here.....Vodka infused Olives.......it really is sheer genius. They’ve managed to take the one semi nutritious thing and gave it a kick…..now you really will beg for an extra olive.

The excellence of it all is in the absolute simplicity….why haven’t we thought of this revolution in the cocktail world….we could have made millions ….millions I tell you

And now the recipe:

“What about those vodka-infused olives?

Simple, get a fresh jar of olives, pour out olive juice and fill with vodka, replace lid and refrigerate for 5-7 days.”

The question i have is, can you actually wait the 5-7 days..........?

River vs. Liver


WORLD, the time has come to...
WORLD, the time has come to PITCH YOUR TENT

Yes people, I am se - ri- aas. Its the second ever DIE EMMER "get back to your roots", CAMPING WEEKEND.
Now imagine this:

Nothing but a steady flowing Olifants rivier on your stoep, endless clementine orchards at your back door, the best damn potjie ever bubbling away at your feet, a nicely wooded chardonnay in your hand, the African sun on your face and in the corner of your eye seeing Mr. J rolling down the hill caught inside a Tractor Tjoep going aaaahhhhhaaaaaaaaooooooooo splash.

No it really is that good and here is the better news: Everybody is Invited. All you need is your tent, cozzy, sleeping bag and spare liver.

This Madness kicks off the weekend of the 14th October, write it down on your forehead.
Whats more it will only be us Emmers in the Winderness, no other people.

I'm Gonna need some RSVP's. So let a brother know, spaces are limited.

The Place is called the RIVER CAMP and here is their own little write up:
River Camp is situated only 18 km from Citrusdal, on the banks of the Olifant’s River. This very remote campsite consists of two camping site, each having it’s own private ablution facilities. The weekender can engage in activities like hiking, swimming, cycling, fresh water fishing, bird watching and many more…
Yada yada yada, see you guys there

Monday, September 26

Armed and dangerous - Flipper the firing dolphin let loose by Katrina

What the dang??? Article taken from here.

by Mark Townsend Houston
Sunday September 25, 2005
The Observer


It may be the oddest tale to emerge from the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Armed dolphins, trained by the US military to shoot terrorists and pinpoint spies underwater, may be missing in the Gulf of Mexico.

Experts who have studied the US navy's cetacean training exercises claim the 36 mammals could be carrying 'toxic dart' guns. Divers and surfers risk attack, they claim, from a species considered to be among the planet's smartest. The US navy admits it has been training dolphins for military purposes, but has refused to confirm that any are missing.

Dolphins have been trained in attack-and-kill missions since the Cold War. The US Atlantic bottlenose dolphins have apparently been taught to shoot terrorists attacking military vessels. Their coastal compound was breached during the storm, sweeping them out to sea. But those who have studied the controversial use of dolphins in the US defence programme claim it is vital they are caught quickly.

Leo Sheridan, 72, a respected accident investigator who has worked for government and industry, said he had received intelligence from sources close to the US government's marine fisheries service confirming dolphins had escaped.

'My concern is that they have learnt to shoot at divers in wetsuits who have simulated terrorists in exercises. If divers or windsurfers are mistaken for a spy or suicide bomber and if equipped with special harnesses carrying toxic darts, they could fire,' he said. 'The darts are designed to put the target to sleep so they can be interrogated later, but what happens if the victim is not found for hours?'

Usually dolphins were controlled via signals transmitted through a neck harness. 'The question is, were these dolphins made secure before Katrina struck?' said Sheridan.

The mystery surfaced when a separate group of dolphins was washed from a commercial oceanarium on the Mississippi coast during Katrina. Eight were found with the navy's help, but the dolphins were not returned until US navy scientists had examined them.

Sheridan is convinced the scientists were keen to ensure the dolphins were not the navy's, understood to be kept in training ponds in a sound in Louisiana, close to Lake Pontchartrain, whose waters devastated New Orleans.

The navy launched the classified Cetacean Intelligence Mission in San Diego in 1989, where dolphins, fitted with harnesses and small electrodes planted under their skin, were taught to patrol and protect Trident submarines in harbour and stationary warships at sea.

Criticism from animal rights groups ensured the use of dolphins became more secretive. But the project gained impetus after the Yemen terror attack on the USS Cole in 2000. Dolphins have also been used to detect mines near an Iraqi port.

QWOD

gimcrack \JIM-krak\, noun:
A showy but useless or worthless object; a gewgaw.

adjective:
Tastelessly showy; cheap; gaudy.

example:
He stood out, a man apart from those buffed gym-bunnies and their gimcrack muscles.

origin:
The origin of gimcrack is uncertain. It is perhaps an alteration of Middle English gibecrake, "a slight or flimsy ornament."

Whats a Monday without a new Emmer

Thats right peeps of different streets, we have a new member. A new Swemmer, a new lady person to report on the intricate goings on in the cut-throat, bolamakiesie,"thats not you carpet sample" world of interior designers.
Who could I be refering to? Here are more clues, she is currently residing in London, drinks like a sailor on shore leave, whips up a storm in the kitchen, has got a shoe collection that would topple the leaning tower of Pisa, Martini shakin, mid winter braai making, avo and bacon,the unmistaken
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Jace
Please make her feel welcome everyone. We cant wait for you to make the most of your first post

Friday, September 23

Check this out...

http://worldometers.info/

Its a Friday and she knows it


Whoo hoo, is all I can say to you folks of different strokes. There is no such good news as arriving back in the the lovely Slaapstad only to discover that your fellows Emmers have gone beyond the call of duty and organised a little Hermanus weekend. And they even shuffled in a Braai day.
So without further ado here comes you daily message:

"But in these modern times the Braai Assistant is a great opportunity for young players to get involved in braai and to learn from their Braai Master. The amount of experience that can be acquired naturally depends on who you are learning from, but even Braai Masters who excel on their own turf take the opportunity to be Braai Assistants when they are playing with the big dogs." from The B.O.E.R.I.E.

May you all keep that in mind.
QWOD

kibitz

(intransitive verb)
[KIB·its]

1. to give advice when it is not wanted, especially to someone playing a game; interfere: "Don't kibitz at your Braai Master, even if his behavior is illogical to you."
or " Hey Frank, have you put the Kibitz on yet"

May you all bask in the sunlight of a good weekend, and who knows we might even get a new DMer.


Thursday, September 22

Time to clean this place up


Are you fed up with all the Hoff posts that are going around???

Finally there's a solution!!

Tuesday, September 20

BUST A MOVE!



WOO HOO

Friday, September 16

The ride of your life

News from Sunny Florida

Hey guys, just came back from the sunshine state, seems like humidity is no friend of mine, for more news and reviews Check it

Wednesday, September 14

Seeing how Jammin is Jammin with the Yanks...

"A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York.Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog. He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.

A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl". The man says: -"But I am not a NewYorker!"

Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning: "Brave American saves life of little girl" - the policeman answers. "But I am not an American!" - says the man.

"Oh, what are you then?"
The man says: "I am a Pakistani !"

The next day the newspapers headline screams: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog.

Tuesday, September 13

356 tomorrows

Hey anyone interested in sci-fi short stories should go check out: 365 tomorrows


From the website:
365 tomorrows is a collaborative project designed to present readers with one new piece of short speculative fiction each day for one year. Utilizing the broad palate of science fiction, our vision of the future creates a diverse pool of stories with something for everyone to enjoy.

365 launched August 1, 2005 and will continue until July 31, 2006


Cigarette pack collection

This french website has got a great collection of cigarette pack photos. All you rookers out there should go and this out.... who could resist Che cigarettes?


Backstroke of the West

Oh I found the greatest thing ever over at Chumpstyle . Engrish subtitles. Hilarious mistranslations from Starwars episode three. (Direct translations to Chinese and then back to English for the Subtitles) You just know its going to end in tears. Beautiful. You have to go check it out.

Direct Translation of the Title ???? Its on the Screen idiots.

Mmmmm.


And Anakin meets Gollum...



Speaking of beautiful, this is the sunset over Camps Bay Yesterday....
You see, this is why we choose to earn half of what you folks up in Jozi do, and speak a bit slower.(Or maybe that's just the weed.)


Camps Bay Sunsets, Need i say more?

Later Folks.

Mr J

Monday, September 12

Do it, do it, put yer back into it!!

Hi Die Emmer peeps...

To everyone reading this anywhere and everywhere in SA, I need yer help! We're trying to combat that steamy irritating frog ringtone...u know the one!! well it sucks and there's a new ringtone out called indy ninja. I need as many people to download it as possible, u don't have to actually use it, but u have to download it. If I get the most peeps to download it, then I get some extra cash for summer. So pls get everyone u know to do it, and then let me know!

How do you download it? Well then, text TONE INDY NOKIA (Obviously this is if you have a Nokia. If you have a Motorola, then TONE INDY MOTOROLA; if you have a SonyEricsson, then it’s TONE INDY ERICSSON, and for Samsung, it’s TONE INDY SAMSUNG) to 35050. They’ll do the rest.

Once u've done it, pls let me know (my e-mail ad is seraholland@telkomsa.net) so I can put yer name and no down...just to let u know they can see who all has downloaded it so don't tell me u have when u haven't. Don't worry they won't use any of this info for ANYTHING so its safe and easy!!

So pls everyone get smsing and mail me once u have!!....even u unknown peeps who just love all the interesting things Die Emmers has on show...do it, do it, put yer back into it!!!

Thanks a million....
sera

ps...it has to be done by the end of the week!!!

Friday, September 9

I knock knocked, 'cause there was No-bel.

After all these shamming postings, I feel its my duty to brings a level of sofizztication back to the Die Emmers, thus and therefore this posting.

Every one knows what the Nobel prize is (there are five catagories: physics, chemistry, physiology or medicine, literature, and peace). Most of you will know that Madiba and F.W. jointly won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1993 "for their work for the peaceful termination of the apartheid regime, and for laying the foundations for a new democratic South Africa".

But where does this sort-after prize come from? And, why is there no Nobel prize for mathematics?

The prizes were instituted by the final will of Alfred Nobel, a Swedish chemist, industrialist, and the inventor of dynamite. Alfred Nobel wrote several wills during his lifetime. The last one was written on November 27, 1895 — a little over a year before he died. He signed it at the Swedish-Norwegian Club in Paris on November 27, 1895. He was shocked to see how his invention of dynamite was used for destructive purposes and wanted the prizes to be awarded to those who served mankind well. (It is said that this was motivated by his reading of a premature obituary of himself, published in error by a French newspaper who mistook Alfred for his brother Ludvig when Ludvig died, and which condemned Alfred as an 'angel of death'.) So in his will, Alfred left 94% of his worth to the establishment of five prizes (physics, chemistry, physiology or medicine, literature, and peace) for "those who, during the preceding year, shall have conferred the greatest benefit on mankind."

There have been many theories proposed as to why there is no Nobel Prize in mathematics. One of the most common folklore reasons, for which there is no historical evidence at all, is that Nobel decided against a prize in mathematics because a woman he proposed to/his wife/his mistress rejected him because of/cheated on him with a famous mathematician. Gosta Mittag-Leffler is often claimed to be the guilty party. Nobel was never married. He did have a mistress, a Viennese woman named Sophie Hess.

A more credible reason is that he didn't care much for mathematics, not considering it a practical science from which humanity could benefit (a chief purpose for creating the Nobel Foundation). Further, at the time there existed already a well known Scandinavian prize for mathematicians.

[reference: www.wikipedia.org]

Thursday, September 8

My first Shamming

I know he is not a Emmer, but Damn, this is just wrong

Wednesday, September 7

To Hoff or not


Howdy fellas, just a quick hoezit hoezit.

I know I promised lotsa photies, but right now its the Jammin vs his USB cable, and I am loosing, so please be patient.
Did a little stint in New york city last weekend, damn it was a rockin. Roof top pool bars laden with hot booties spilled over designer deck chairs(with beers going at the steady price of $12 a pop), hot dog's with everything on it, upper east side apartments, 35 degrees in the shade and even some reports that the Jammin was tackled by a non conformist ottoman into a 6 foot 11 Mexican. Jip, all good, but will reveal more later. I am waking up at a rediculous 4:30 each morning, so i have to go find a coffee now or i will perish
Be good teamsters.

Quote for the Day

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.
Plato

Say "AAAAHHHH!"

Some frogs have tongues that are long and sticky that can be used to catch bugs. These roll out like an upside-down party horn and snap at the bug!

Frogs with long tongues go by the "see it, snap at it" technique of feeding. Toads, on the other hand, like my firebellied toads, have tiny tongues and have to snap at their food using their mouth. They often will stalk their food, much like a cat...creeping up to it and then just as dinner is about to take off, they will *SNAP* and eat their meal!

DID YOU KNOW: When a frog swallows a meal, his bulgy eyeballs will close and go down into his head! This is because the eyeballs apply pressure and actually push a frog's meal down his throat!

There are about 6 to 14 species of tongueless, aquatic African frogs (family Pipidae)

Friday, September 2

Lost Archives

Today (present, present) I found an entry I had penned on a train a few months ago and had totally forgotten about it. Now in order to right the wrongs of the past I am publishing this previously unseen material verbatim.

Please Note: Those that are easily confused by time talk and fear they might not now know whether they still have to take a tea break or not and whether lunch is served before breakfast should probably stop reading now…

I am sitting (past, past, present) on a train writing, well penning this (Authors note: some parts may be a bit repetitive but are included for authentication purposes) to be typed out later (by later of course I was allowing for the possibility that it may be a few months), on my way to Worcester. The last week has been absolute chaos and I have not yet managed to spend two nights in the same bed! But alas this is not due to my charming ways and dashing good looks although I see why one may think so. Its because we’ve had the pleasure of Pete the sheet, a.k.a The double Cheat visiting and so been touring Scotland in all its glory. It’s been brilliant as we literally tripped through Edinburgh for two days. The first night we arrived we struggled to find a place to stay until we finally got a place in a dorm. The opportunity was jumped at and we settled in to a night of drinking and discovering the new city. We however made the school boy error of not returning completely wasted and perhaps a little earlier than the hairy/ bald guy (hairy and bald in all the wrong places) (who had some how managed to convince some creature to return with him to a six bedroom dorm!) expected. Well you’ll be pleased to know our arrival only briefly interrupted the terrible (I assume she was ugly too with out actually having seen. I saved myself that mental image) twosome before they were once again going about the business of making the beast with two backs (Who’s was hairier is any ones guess…if you into guessing those sort of things that is). I felt violated as the bunk beds rocked back and forth but thankfully our new friends weren’t much in the tantric department and with a huff and a puff the fun and games were soon over…and so was our stay. Pete and I vacated the backpackers by 7am, showered packed and slightly hung over only to suddenly found ourselves driving around a very deserted Edinburgh…still better than where we were.


A day of shrooms, tourists, a bit of a piss up and a night in a much upgraded B&B and it was time to answer the call of the open road again. On our way we came upon (by this I mean we detoured a mere 100 miles) the oldest living thing in Europe…wait for it…a 5000yr old Yew Tree. Yes as you may imagine (and now Ben for you (and for others who were struggling with stories that had no pictures) I have included a picture) it was spectacularly unimpressive despite the occasional branch reaching out to entice us into its ancient bosom of knowledge…no sorry I digress, not even the shrooms helped here, it sucked, magnificently! So turning to the Cheat I suggested we paid homage to the old ways of the Voortrekkers, saddle up and “Kyk Noord en vok voord.”












That evening we arrived in the city of Inverness where we prepared for our final leg through the Highlands along the some really beautiful Lochs. Inverness is supposed to be far enough north that on good nights you can bear witness to the great phenomenon of the Northern Lights…Um…Yew Tree, nuff said.

Loch Ness was our first port of call the following day and after a morning on the banks and two dips in the freezing water a great creature from the dark depths of the mystical water attacked no one. To be fare though I didn’t need to see the thing, it’s a bit like having sharks in the sea, you don’t personally have to have seen one in the area to kak while swimming.

Its now three days after the swim and a day after I started this (that would be past, present to you) and I’m on a train, yet again, on my way to London to try and sort out my life before Monday. When it’s rumoured I have a meeting with reality in the form of a regular nine to five. I suppose the holiday had to end some time…well not till Monday and in the mean time London awaits!

Thursday, September 1

Daily Message

Seeing as Jammin's in a philly, i thought i'd lead us through the daily message:

Word of the Day:

LEGS,
Noun, A limb or an appendage of an animal, used for locomotion or support
Def. Lower Elongated Genital Support

So let's all go out and spread the word !!

Quote of the Day:

My girlfriend tells me every night than I'm IN LOVE???
She Says: "You're in, Love!!"

Fitz Nicentite, 1786

Thought of the Day:

If everyone broke wind at the same time would it feel more like an earth tremmor or a 'berg' wind from hell?

dang...looks like a twister touched down


slammin's off to fight the hurricane, saroo mentioned a twister of sorts, now...enter typhoon talim!

taiwan is situated right underneath that nice pretty cloud.





the infra-red image allows you to see where some of the most dangerous parts of the typhoon are situated. a few hours after this infra-red satelite image was taken, the storm was to hit its hardest over the "beautiful island", taiwan. unfortunately i was not able to witness these effects as i was pole-dancing in a club that was sporting a typhoon ladies night. it was a grandiosa event, which was followed by a bicycle ride in the storm on one of taipeis busiest streets at 4am...in the nude....not a thread, not a stitch! extremely liberating and exhilerating experience.

here are some other interesting factoids:

Talim is the 13th storm for the region this year. An average rate for this time of year. Region usually sees 26-27 storms in a calendar year. 4th Land warning announced for 2005. 9 usually announced for a year. Of these 9, 3-4 will be storms that cause significant damage on Taiwan.

What does "maximum sustained wind" mean? The maximum sustained wind mentioned are the highest 1 min surface winds occurring within the circulation of the system. These "surface" winds are those observed (or, more often, estimated) to occur at the standard meteorological height of 10 m (33 ft) in an unobstructed exposure (i.e., not blocked by buildings or trees).

(this is great news as i live on the 5th floor - aprox. 10m up)

What things should one do to prepare for a typhoon? 1.) In the aftermath of many storms, the hardest hit areas can have their water mains shut down. This can last for several days. Having a 5 gallon bottle of water, or two, in a closet somewhere can make drinking, eating (and showering or using the toilet) a lot easier. It won't be any fun getting them, but if you are in an area apt to be hard hit, having them there will make you pretty happy if things go bad in terms of water in your neighborhood.

this sounds like reasonable, mature, intelligent advice to take - but i prefer to take my supplies to the next level...
mmmm...beer


possibly a little extensive - but in case of an emergency i was quite ready to bathe and flush the loo with a heinie or two - it never came to that because
after an evening of consuming these, i woke up around mid day to witness the aftermath of typhoon talim

here are a few pointers:

1) secure your scooter or motorcycle

2) dont stand too close to trees and non-secure roofing

3) bicycles are always a bad idea

4) umbrella's are useless

here are a few pictures to prove i know what i am talking about...







on typhoon days like this one, the government grants what is called a typhoon holiday - which is really a great way of encouraging people to go out and booze their brains out!

mother nature has a wonderful ability of telling it's inhabitants: "who's your daddy!?" and therefore i believe that overall, typhoon talim was a great success!

The Jammin takes on The Hurricane


I'm outa here people. Please keep the dream (die emmers) alive, by postests the mostest. I have set up a little information dumpster on the side where I'm just gonna be dropping countless photies and pointless stories of how I am beating the crap outa that Hurricane and what developments my talks with Bush are bringing to our continent. Do wander over to The Jammin Does the Philadelphia if you have nothing better to do. I know I will.