The Intergalactic Daily Message (D.M. - Die Emmers, get it, its frigging brilliant) Hosted by the Holiday House constituents in Cape Town. Spreading the good news to YOU, whilst creating the illusion that you never left home and we still love you.

Tuesday, May 31

Something to look forward too

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Some women might deem this a two-star male fantasy of the sort they wish the men in their lives would grow out of. However, for the guys it's Rodriguez's best film by far and a treat for fans of good-looking girls in black-and-white, of classic film noir and of imaginative ultra-violence. It even has dinosaurs and a samurai chick.
4 Stars

Wys die tande

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Yes, its true. This happy alcoholic has decided that the sun streched beaches of England are the way of the future. We are going to miss you Melissa, especially your numerous birthdays every year and you know that Forries will never be the same.

In other news: you might want to wander over to our "in other news" section and click on the link -Rocks in die stad- where you will see your Jam Jar constituents gracing the society pages, its like being in Heat Magazine, just much cooler. Remeber guys, we are doing it for the team. That means YOU.

The reason most people never reach their goals is that they don't define them, or ever seriously consider them as believable or achievable. Winners can tell you where they are going, what they plan to do along the way, and who will be sharing the adventure with them.
Denis Watley

(transitive verb, intransitive verb)[ah·BAYT]
transitive verb
1. to reduce in amount or intensity: "Even a Long-Street-Boerie did little to abate my hunger."
2. to reduce the amount or rate of something

Speaking of a long street boerie, it really has been a while and I am getting a bit of withdrawl. It has been to long fellas,
be good

Monday, May 30

Esmarelda does the bottom one of the Americas, Part 4

"The Chilean orange is overrated, as far as I am concerned.....
We specially bought one last nite for testing purposes, and were
disappointed to find that it was somewhat sour, had pips and had a
funny hard core thingie (not sure of the correct lingo). Basically
ours totally kick arse, jammin!"

The "funny hard core thingy" is a Navel, much like your belly button.
See people, you dont have to go to South America to learn that the Western Cape Oranges are the best damn oranges in the world.

"I was quite proud of myself when I ordered some Borsch (beetroot soup)... it arrived FULL of beef, and needless to say was sent back. (I had mentioned to our flustered
waiter prior to ordering that I ate NO meat.) He answered that the
onion soup was meat-free, and we waited for that. When it arrived he
very proudly announced: ¨ no meat, just chicken!¨ well, sad to say had
to send that back too! I eventually got a meat-free meal AND my scone,
so it all ended well, i suppose."

I love happy endings, stay tuned as the saga continues.

Stop the Press

As we where all very impressed with Quentin Tarentino's Kill Bill, one does ponder greedily: "What's next? Can you top that?"
Well his next movie comming our way called
Inglorious Bastards
Apparently its a WW2 movie in the Dirty Dozen tradition still to be made.
Plot outline:
A group of disgraced U.S. soldiers during World War Two manage to escape the execution squad by going on a daring mission to help the Allies in the fight against the Nazis.

Its got potential, tell me more. Well at a interview in London Mr. Micheal Madsen (who some of you will remember as Bud in Kill Bill) did reveal a interesting tid bit about who will be staring with him in this potential man's man movie: “It’s myself and Tim Roth, Adam Sandler, and Eddie Murphy.”
Eddie and Adam in a QT movie, now I am really intrigued. Will it work? Only time will tell.

Then on the subject of great craftmanship, there are still people that believe in putting a edge of quality on the simple things in life. Check out these playing cards:
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Go check out the rest at for beautyfull Bush cards and even some sexy Blair cards aswell. Its a hoot.

Love isn't a decision. It's a feeling. If we could decide who we loved, it would be much simplier, but much less magical.
Trey Parker and Matt Stone, South Park, Chef Aid, 1998

Be good my people, and keep hoping that this rain dries up as I know some brothers in Orange County that need to start picking oranges.

Friday, May 27

So long, Farewell, Tot siens, Aurevoir, Good bye

Finally, I get to go and not come back, no more hours....yipeeeeee............
Thanks to you all for putting up with me during this VERY long journey...
Embarking on a long boozy lunch (at least I get a farewell)
See you all tonight.........


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There seems to be a Damon trying to attach itself to you, nothing a good golf club cant fix.

Enjoy your days of Leisure

The Grand Mac daddy

In celebration of my last beard day I bring you the beard that will rule them all:
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But wait there's more:

The end of a era

The last few remaning beard days have arrived, (i know its sad) , but I have realised that I have now reaped all that I can reap from my facial growth. I have used and abused the badboy and its time to kick his hairy ass out. Another reason that I have realised is that I am only getting beard compliments from men, ladies are not sticking to their bylaws:

"n Soen sonder snor is soos 'n eier sonder sout"

Another thing that is going out the window to day is K-mac's Job. Well done my girl - follow that star. I was initially very exited that I had a friend that works at a model agency, but as you pointed a grand total of ZERO leggy lovelies my way, you might as well leave there.
Check it out, all this could have been mine:

In other news: Me and Mr. J went blogger bashing last night, (it is not a activity where you go and beat people that blog) where we went forth and met with the other people in Slaapstad that blog (which is what Die Emmers is) in the hope that we could gain further technical knowledge to make DMers better. All we gained was headaches this morning , but we met some cool/interesting people. They might publish photo's and we will direct you too them.

Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half the time.
E. B. White (1899 - 1985), New Yorker, July 3, 1944

Beeldradio- the initial afrikaans word for television, it is still used by some old people.

Give this Friday horns, my people

Thursday, May 26

The origin of sideburns

All this talk about facial hair and beards, makes me think of the story behind the word sideburn. Not to sure who else knows this story, so here it is:

"Sideburns," a style of whiskers grown to cover all or part of the sides of a man's face, is a eponym, a word formed from someone's proper name, in this case that of U.S. Army General Ambrose Burnside (1824-1881).

As a commander of Union troops during the American Civil War, General Burnside amassed a record that was erratic at best and often disastrous. His wartime flubs did not, however, prevent him from later serving three terms as Governor of Rhode Island and two terms as a U.S. Senator. But General Burnside is best remembered for his novel facial hair, which consisted of a full mustache and cheek whiskers over a cleanly shaven chin. This style was a marked departure from the "hot" fashion of the day, which was to shave everything except the chin whiskers, lending the wearer the look of a male goat (and which was known, logically, as a "goatee").

Since the mustache part of General Burnside's invention was nothing new, the cheek whiskers became known as "Burnside's" and enjoyed a certain vogue among men of the day. (Such lush cheek foliage had been known up until then as "muttonchops," after their resemblance to a popular cut of meat.)

But as the memory of General Burnside faded, the style became known as simply "burnsides," and soon an interesting linguistic flip-flop occurred. Because "burnsides" had become essentially meaningless, popular usage interpreted the "sides" element to mean the sides of the face, in which case "sideburns" seemed to make more sense, and by about 1887 "sideburns" was becoming the accepted name for whiskers on the side of a man's face.

These guys won

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So apparently i missed a good game last night. Pity then that my complete disinterest in Soccer leaves me with no cognitive disonance. Live sports events (bar F1 and some decent ruggers) have no appeal for me. Ok, so I like the last half hour of the Wimbeldon ladies final aswell. So people, if I do not show up for these events, its not because I do not like you or because I am a loser/fader, it is because if you take away the drinking and the between penaty shootout conversation, I am left with a event as exiting as watching Noeleen on 3. Yes Mr. J, I am speaking of golf aswell.

You think a man is a man cause he wears team colors and guzzles beer in front of the tube? Can't you see, boys, the sands of time are dribbling through the hourglass?
Robin Green and Mitchell Burgess

But that is just plain nasty, so here is a more fitting Daily Message:

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004)

malaise(noun) [ma�LAYZ, ma�LEZ]
1. a general feeling of physical discomfort (as mild sickness or depression): "This malaise is certainly affecting my workout schedule but luckily, not my work."

K-mac, thanks for the reflexology last night, I feel great.

My new favourite Afrikaanse Grappie

Watter spier in die vrou se lyf is die sterkste?

Haar wang spiere, want as sy dikbek is kry jy nie haar bene oop nie.

Wednesday, May 25

Vrystaat se Computer Dictionary

Log On - Make the braai hotter
Log Off - The braai is too hot
Monitor - Keeping an eye on the braai
Download - Get the firewood off the bakkie
Hard drive - Trip back home without any cold beer
Floppy Disc - What you get lifting too much firewood at once or music
by Brenda Fasie
Keyboard - Where you hang the bakkie and bike keys
Windows - What you shut when it's cold
Screen - What you shut in the mosquito season
Byte- What mosquitoes do
Bit - What the damn mosquitoes did
Mega Byte -What the blerry mosquitoes do at the lake
Chip - A snack food
MicroChip - What's left in the bag after they ate all your chips
Modem -What you did to the lawns
Dot Matrix - Old Jacobus Matrix's wife
Laptop - Where your cat takes some zzzzs
Software - Plastic knife and fork you get at KFC
Hardware - Real stainless steel knives and forks from Pick 'n Pay
Mouse - What eats the grain in the shed
Mainframe - What holds the shed up
Web - What spiders make
Web Site - The corners under the stoep where the spiders hang out
Cursor - An old ballie who swears a lot
Search Engine - What you do when the bakkie won't start up
Yahoo - What you shout when the bakkie starts up
Upgrade - A verysteep hill
Server - The oke at the pub that brings out the lunch
Mail Server - The oke that brings the post
User - Your neighbour who keeps borrowing things
Network - When you have to repair your fishingnet
Internet - Complicated fish net repair method
Netscape - When fish manoeuvre out of reach of your net
Online - When the wife finishes hanging out the laundry
Off Line - When the stukkend pegs won't hold the washing up.

Thanks Arrabokkie

Little Nippers...........

Good Day all you wonderful DMers out there. I have to admit that I missed you all over the last few days! It was gr8 to come back to an hours worth of reading material.... Thank you all for the entertainment. Feels as though we have not seen you all for, how time ticks by....
Well, besides Damon and I being swarmed by little children, we are both recovering well. You have no idea how different life is with a few nippers hanging around and Damon folks, Damon gets so excited keeping them all busy...fortunately they were little boys....Damon becomes one of them and continuously runs around with is definitely worth a look, pity I didn't get anything on film. So in the future, when Damon tells you all that he is not ready, don't believe him. It is a different ball game.......
Talking of ball games, enjoy the football tonight, I need some rest, so will not be attending, however, my other half will more then likely join you all........
From the sounds of things, this last week-end was "carnage" for most of you, hope that you are all getting ready for Steph's exhibition....nice behaviour please............The carnage can begin later.....
Fortunately we are half way through the week, my 2nd last week and Damon's last week, so have a good one!
And Ser, dying to see the blonde.......

No Idea!!

morning peeps...

Happy wednesday to you all. Firstly welcome back's been too long without you!! Secondly, welcome back lindors, we get very wary of sending out buckateers to the big ashtray cos sometimes...actually not all that uncommon...that they decide to move there officially and we never get to see them lurking the streets of cape town no names mentioned...ahem!! Anyways to change the subject I do seriously recommend u all go see the new star wars...yes it does make the other 2 seem rather unneccessary, however if any of you are trilogy bears a lot more relevance as to how the whole of star wars came about. Its entertaining, it finally features darth vader (who i might add was quite a hotty before all fell apart after visiting the dark side), and most importantly star wars is and will always be the ultimate paradigm of good versus u really can't go wrong!! anyways enough now...i sound like a freak, i'll let u all make yer minds up for yourselves!!

On another note...hope we all get to partake in celebrating one of the greatest sporting events this evening...the UEFA champions league final between AC Milan and Liverpool. It's gonna be a goodie...ben don't worry I won't fill everyone in on the stats of the game tom morning, I will leave that up to our sporting buckateer rep, Jared. Anyways hope to c u all there...

oh and just before I sign off....a quick reminder that Steph's exhibition is indeed this friday evening...ben u can get out yer hat now!!

hope wednesday speeds by u today...and AC Milan kicks Liverpool's ass big time!!

laters skaters

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Tuesday, May 24

Sorry to say it, but.....

Gilman in the morning is starting to piss me off more and more, he used to have a certain level of quality humour. now its just competitions and DB. Like on Monday -Danger boy (who is really not that funny) is delivering the following line over a speaker phone :"the wookies ate too many cookies and now they need to go for a poopies." That would have been hilarous back in std 5. Is this the demographic that I share my morning radio with. Its more embarassing than entertaining. Mabey in old age I am just getting more cynical and bitter. OR I am right and Gillman needs to sharpen his hunting knife. Until then I will be listening with the old people to Cape Talk.

Star wars review- Its Rocks, but it makes the first two films rather redundant. Darth V is rather cool and evil. (that was officially the last Star War mention from me ever)

I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still in a room.
Blaise Pascal (1623 - 1662)

Welcome back Lindors, we are hoping that you will be a regular feature, and not just post when you are admitting defeat in the Beard Wars. Me and Mr. J has decided to share the grand prize of a case of Brandewyn so please come and deliver it at your earliest convenience.

brio(noun) [BREE·oe]
1. the quality of being alive and vigorous: "Jammin's beard speaks with such brio and insight that I could listen to him for hours."

Loving the Wednesday


Well, my little mignons, I see that we have been very busy while I was up in the Big Ashtray catching up with that little friend of ours, Da Pongaz. He tells me that had he been the 43rd, that lion wouldn't have taken a single scalp and he'd be wrapped in its hide watching Desperate Housewives as we speak.

On the weird beard contest, I have footage of how far along it had come before it was shaven off on Satruday morning, upon request of the groom, before I took up the much revered position of groomsman. I am afraid that my friendship with Charlie (together with my spectacular sense of self when it comes to official wedding photography) took precedence. Be Cool.

Ben, we regret to inform you that your first application for Sunday Club has been rejected. Please try again.

Great to be back.

Your Lindors

The parrot

A bloke is browsing around a pet shop when he sees a parrot on a perch
with no feet or legs. The guy says out loud, "Jesus, what happened to

The parrot replies, "I was born this way, I'm a defective parrot."

"For fu&@k's sake," says the bloke. "You actually understood me and
answered me."

"I got every word," replies the parrot. "I am actually a very
intelligent and thoroughly educated bird."

"Oh yeah?" the bloke asks. "Then answer me this: How do you hang onto
your perch without any feet?"

"Well," says the parrot, "this is very embarrassing, but since you
asked, I wrap my cock around the bar like a little hook. You can't
see it because of my feathers."

"Wow," says the man, "you really can understand and speak English.

Actually, I can speak both Spanish and English and I can converse with
reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion,
sports anything. I'd be a great companion."

Five minutes later the guy walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by and
the parrot is sensational. He understands everything; he sympathises,
and he's insightful. The guy is delighted with his acquisition. Then
one day he comes in from work and the parrot motions him over with his
wing, "Pssst, I don't know if you should know this or not, but your
wife opened the door to the milkman this morning wearing just a
see-through nightie and kissed him passionately."

"WHAT???" asks the man in disbelief. "Then what happened?"
"Well the milkman came into the house and lifted her nightie and began
rubbing her all over," reported the parrot.

"MY GOD!" exclaims the bloke. "Then what?"

"Then he began licking her large breasts, then her tummy, slowly
working his way down....."

"WELL!!! THEN WHAT HAPPENED?" he boomed.....


not much else to say...

hello buckets united...

well i don't have too much to say for myself except i'm blonde...finally...and that my team manchester united managed to f*ck up the FA Cup royally on saturday past. Yes indeed, while I was planning on a lil powernap around 6 on sat afternoon, they managed to dominate the game entirely, kick some serious *ss, however forgot that one actually has to put the ball into the net in order to actually win the cup. And so after like an hour of extra time, it unfortunately resulted in a penalty shootout...something like 21 years since this happened in a FA Cup final. Anyways my good friend Paul Scholes managed to kick the ball straight into their goalkeepers hands....and thus resulting in a big fat loss!! Very sad day for Man U...and well, I never got that much needed powernap!

And so while most of u got bored after my first sentence, I leave u with a touch of tuesday smut to liven up them non-football folk...

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this
HUGE African American guy standing next to him. The big guys sees the
little guy staring at him, looks down and says:
"7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 14 inch penis, 1 pound left testicle, 1 pound
right testicle...Turner Brown."
The small man faints dead away and falls to the floor. The big guy
kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big fellow says,
"What's wrong with you?" In a weak voice the little guys says, "What EXACTLY did
you say to me?"
The big dude says, "I saw the curious look and figured I'd just give
you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall,
I weight 350 pounds, I have a 14 inch penis, my left testicle weighs 1
pounds, my right testicle weighs 1 pounds and my name is Turner Brown."
The small guy says, "Turner Brown?
Thank God! I thought you said "Turn around."


A man goes to a chemist and says "I've 3 girls coming to my home tonight, i need something to keep me going for the whole night". The chemist gives him 3 boxes of Viagra extra strength. Next day the man limps back to the shop and shows the chemist his manhood, its black and blue all over. "Give me a bottle of deep heat" he says. "You can't put deep heat on that" says the chemist in horror. "No" says the man, "its for my arm, the girls never showed up"!

Thanks go to Cally Ambler-Smith for providing us all with such a charming couple of sentences...

And now my peeps...back to work!!

Terror looms nearby

So JP, the love Ninja, is in the country. Rumour has it that the secret agents at MI6 do sceem him to be a possible security risk. They have been tracking his movements and they noticed his frolicking in the middle east. The conclution is easy to make.

Love ninja + 70 days in Dubai + slight tan + Turban = Terrorist Bomber

If I had any say I'd kick him out of this country too, who knows what kinda bad people he mixed with. Here I have evidence proving that he has once felt up the devil herself:
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A sneak attack like that does not come without proper ninja training, and now with the extra Taliban edge I will keep him away from my daughters.

All is in the hands of man. Therefore wash them often.
Stanislaw J. Lec (1909 - 1966),

Then further news from the perilous South America (die emmer exclusive):

"Well, guys the fact that i am writing this means that i survived the Inca Trail. and we all know what a HUGE achievement that is for moi!
(as I am sure Jp and Jam remember, this is the girl who complained about going up Lions Head...) Well, just to get the stats. out (for you, pongaz) the trail is 4 days long, 49 kms and an average of 6 - 8 hours of hiking per DAY. my secret weapon was definitely Michelle Lake, and I can recommend her for breathing lessons, snack- giving, water breaks, morale-building and other such activities for any future Inca trail hikers."

What will happen next? Stay tune for more exiting episodes of:
Esmarelda does the bottom one of the Americas

infirmity(noun) [in·FUR·mi·tee]
1. the state of being weak in health or body (especially from old age): "Kerry, who is in her late ******ties, walks several miles daily to stave off infirmity."
2. frailty; debility; feebleness

Be good Folks

Sarchasm, the REAL force and unusual cards and beard wars III

For some Tuesday insight....

The force is a tool of Satan!!!

Sarcasm sensor in the brain discovered.

Unusual greeting cards

And for those feeling the bite of the beard wars...

Because there comes a time in everyone’s life when they think ‘Hmm. Beards. Eh?’
Some people, of course, just think ‘Hmm. Beards. Great new taxing opportunity. Eh?’ As Peter The Great did, from 1705, when those not following the compulsory shaving laws – possibly because of the Russian chill being too much for a cold chin to bare – were fined according to rank...)

Just so that Mr. J does'nt feel alone, here are some bearded hotties to keep him company


Monday, May 23

Moira and Adam NYC

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Hey All
Ben has finally just taught me how to do this.

I am burried under a ton of presentations and readings, but really well otherwise. This picture is in honour of the momentous weekend occurring September 3rd 2005. Ben is coming to visit Adam and I in New York. I am so excited! I hope NY will survive the Backflip.

Holland is lovely, tulips and a little bit of sunshine every now and then. I wish we could get one or two South Africans here. Please come visit us!

Stella is doing well, fast becoming an impressive international lawyer of sorts. But of course WE ARE HOMESICK! It looks like I can only come home in April so... I will have to settle for Christmas in Cairo this year. Perhaps just a very secular festive season, it seems. At least it will be African.

Anyway hope you are well. Send me some Africa pictures please



Funny Feeling

Morning Morning

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Since I took a much needed country living weekend I would imagine that i am the freshest feeling fella on Die Emmers. I know for a fact that Mr. J had a monster of a friday night cause i was awoken in the wee hours of the Saturday morning by female voices. I say voices cause initially I thought there was five of them. Then as I was waking up I realise that there is only one but she she was speaking as much as a Girl's school assembly on the day Sex and the City ended.
Needless to say he had his hands full.
Anyone else get lucky?

Then Big up to Mclaren. I am will now take bets for the season. A case a windhoek says that Kimmi is going to take the constructor's home. Any takers? Come on, dont be a wuss. K-mac, I know you are rooting loudly for Renault so lets make it interesting.

The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passions.
Alfred Lord Tennyson (1809 - 1892)

(transitive verb)[gayn·SAY, GAYN·say']
1. to deny something; to declare false: "After Sunday's race, you cannot gainsay that Schumacher should have retired when he had the chance."
2. to contradict somebody or something; to oppose
noun form: gainsayer

Go well people, Rumour has it that Tommorow might be a Episode III night.

Friday, May 20

Just one more, for the road, for old time sake Posted by Hello

A dress made out of condoms, cause its friday Posted by Hello

Quintessential things you never knew

1. A rat can last longer without water than a camel.
2. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it will digest itself.
3. The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle.
4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
5. A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.
6. A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.
7. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily! (That explains a few mysteries....)
8. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
9. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
10. The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000.
11. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with orange, purple and silver.
15. The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin in World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.
16. If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death. (Who was the sadist who discovered this??)
17. Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to s-l-o-w film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.
18. The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA."
19. The original name for butterfly was flutterby.
20. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
21. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.
22. Roses may be red, but violets are indeed violet.
23. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.
24. Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.
25. Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.
26. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
27. There is no number12, 13 or 24 in this list.
28. An old law in Bellingham, Washington, made it illegal for a woman to take more than three steps backwards while dancing!
29. The glue on Israeli postage is certified kosher.
30. The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from public libraries.
31. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.

And the most quintessential of them all

32. Bats always turn left when exiting a cave!

Mr J's style

Mr J - as a fellow patron at a certain shebeen in Lobatse, Botswana once said to our dear Esmerelda: "I like your style".
Keep the good outfits coming!

Allegations of the worst kind....

It is as plain as day that those shoes have been photoshopped in there.

You will be hearing from my lawyers before the day " frizzles off".

Funny how things catch up with you & bite you on the ass!!

Happy Friday all you wonderful Peeps.....
Wishing you all a wonderful week-end far and near..

Mr J, found this picture rather disturbing, but I know
how it can all catch up with us at some time in our lives....
So you are forgiven, then again, get out there and get us
more incriminating pictures!

One day I'll learn how to load pics and then I'll have more
to offer, right now...just well wishes for a wonderful week-end!



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This photo was sent in anonymously. It shows Mr. J at the Engen buying his favorite packet of Biltong whislt wearing RED SILKY SLIP-ONS. Let it sink in for a second.


It's not like it goes with his outfit either.

Oh, the shame, how will we ever recover from the shame. You always hear that it happens to other people, but never in a million years think that it would happen to one of Die Emmer's editors.

A full apology can be obtained by request.

I am assuming that we can put the matter to rest and move on to the daily message:

Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation for 'tis better to be alone than in bad company.
George Washington (1732 - 1799)

(intransitive verb)[ri·PIEN]
1. to feel or express discontent: "Mr. J's favorite activity of late is to sit and repine over his recent fashion decisions."
2. to long for something
noun form: repiner

This Friday has already proven to be a monster, lets hope it frizzle off toward the end.


Thursday, May 19

A little something something


Has anything great ever happened on a Thursday?

Its true, if you had to line up all the pantomime events that define our current frame of mind, the day that featured the least would be Thursday.
Except of course if you take the invention of the retina scan or the Battle of Bessies Rivier (which was more of a rock throwing competition).

Well all that has changed. Thursday is the new Wednesday. Rumor has it that the first teleport machine will go on sale on a Thursday and some enlightened fellows has put the date for the end of the world down to a Thursday. And today is the day of the discovery of the one-eyed Benoni Swamp Frog. Posted by Hello

This is about the time of the post when you realise that I have nothing of importance to say and I am just excersising my right to WAB (work avoidance behavior).
So with out further ado I bring you the daily message:

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.
Woody Allen (1935 - )

and what would a Thursday be without your:
jeremiad(noun) [jer'·ah·MIE·ahd]
1. a long and mournful complaint; "Sera launches into a jeremiad against her late arrivals at every opportunity."

Do something great this Thursday, write it down and then compare it with the Something great that you are going to do next Thursday. I am going to get drunk on a container vessel myself.

Be good

Wednesday, May 18

Beard Wars - The stubble strikes back

Guys, it's really starting to hurt. Imagine scraping your face constantly with steel wool. I need some confirmation that this competition is still going on. Posted by Hello

The dark side will be revealed

I am not one of those crazy Star Wars super freak fans, but come on people, this is cimematic history. The last one ever, ever ever. (even though there are schools of thought that believe that there are in fact 9 episodes and there is still another trilogy comming our way)

FRIDAY 20 May is the day.

Believe me, this is not the type of movie you wait to come on M-Net, go watch it on the big screen, cause you're worth it. Posted by Hello

"Yet, unlike its truly divisive predecessors, future generations will not pass over the superior Episode III lightly: Star Wars really does begin here." Colin Kennedy -Empire magazine

The Beard Chronicles - A beard in the Wild

In the follow up article to our never before seen footage of a young beard in its natural environment, we explore the beards social developement and progression to adulthood.

After extensive study it has been confirmed that young beards learn the social skills required for survival in the playground by observing and imitating older, more experienced beards.

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A mature beard in its prime.

Below the young beard can be seen frolicking with a hand. Although this might seem like play, it is a skill that will become very neccessary if the beard is to succesfully negotiate a Flaming Sambuca once it reaches adulthood.

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Frolicking: Fun yet educational

In our next exciting episode we will explore interaction with beards of the opposite sex, and the final stages of the beards progression to adulthood.

Weird 'n wonderful things 'n all 'n all

Morning morning fellow buckateer peeps...

Firstly my essmeralda, when u finally do log on to the Die Emmers superfabulous blog, you will realise that we miss u madly, but know u're having such a wonderful time!! Hope u kickass on that Inca trail and just can never have too many scarves!

As for the rest of u folks...any moment of spare time/boredom check out these 2 websites! The first one is which allows you to wash yer hands of all yer sins...i'm not kidding either, the catholics would have a ball with this one. And the other is where u can command a human chicken to do ANYTHING you like. For all those demanding and commanding peeps out there, this is the site for u. They're hysterical so try check them out. Sound is a definite advantage for the second one.

Anyways hope u're all well and living up life in the fast lane...or atleast just having fun!

Hopefully c ya'all this weekend or next week some time...Ker we'll def do a bit of reflex hey? Ben just so u know, Steph's thing is next weekend, not this friday!!

later my buckets...


It can get very embarrasing when you lose your reporters, especially when they are in the 3rd world reporting excusively for your publication. Lucky for us thats not the case here, we KNOW where our South American reporters are. They are right here: Posted by Hello

Click on picture for larger image

"we were exhausted when we got here, and had to find a hotel to stay in. we looked at 7, yes 7 before we found an ok-ish one. (and we are seriously NOT being fussy) they charge $40.00 for a double room that is really awful. we eventually booked into one with ¨a real inca wall in it¨ only problem was that it was pitch black during the day, due to no windows. we decided to move the next day, and finally settled for a cheap crap one, as figured we may as well save money. good, hey?"

When you travel, remember that a foreign country is not designed to make you comfortable. It is designed to make its own people comfortable.
Clifton Fadiman (1904 - )

Go Esmarelda, not letting a cheap hotel get in the way of a good story. Keep sending us info, keep titilateing us with lake Titicaca.
Thank you also to Santha (aka Spook) for winning the challenge. Next time I see you Tequilas on me.

Speaking of Veldties, I am terribly exited for the photo exibition on Friday. I might even wear a hat.

(intransitive verb, transitive verb, noun)[KAV·ahl]
intransitive verb
1. to raise trivial objections
transitive verb
2. to quibble about: "Rosemary would cavil any prospective young player without a BMW in the driveway."
3. an evasion of the point of an argument by raising irrelevant distinctions or objections
additional noun form: caviler

Be good my Emmers
(ps: lindors, we have yet to see proof of your beard)

Tuesday, May 17

Posted by Hello

This is going straight to the pool room

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
2 litres of low fat milk,
a carton of eggs,
2 litres of orange juice,
a head of lettuce,
half a dozen tomatoes,
and a 250g pack of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a
drunk standing behind her watched carefully as she placed the items
of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,
"You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was
intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.
looked at her
seven items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her
selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what,
you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cause you're kak ugly."

A tale of 2 hair colours...

just to let u all know....the transition begins tonite!! I'm gonna try document the whole process and keep u all in the mix...unless of course i end up looking like a total freak, in which case I'll be putting up pics of some famous celeb godess and pretend it's me. So from friday onwards, I won't be able to look and laugh at blonde jokes as I have done in the last couple months...oh and will have to deal with people not taking me seriously again...oh and will have to deal with the fact that yes bugs do prefer blonde hair to fly into!!

So adios brunette version of me...c all u peeps when I'm blonde...any objections?? make them now cos it's all happening!! eek so nervous.

laters skaters...

Lies Lies Lies

These grainy photies prove nothing, I have trustworthy witnesses that saw me at a carwash convention in Tableview.
This must be my arch nemises, Dr. Freelance SlowJam, trying to kill a brother's street cred.

And another...

Originally uploaded by seraholland.

And here he is...stealing the show!!

Originally uploaded by seraholland.
Yes my is indeed our Ben Jammin, aka Gay Porn Star stealing the show dancing in the official dance campetition...ha ha no need to change that spelling error!!

Foxy Roxy....with the Cheesemeister

Originally uploaded by seraholland.

And now for the good sh*t...

Originally uploaded by seraholland.
Well well, I finally downloaded the very much incriminating pics...pretty much only featuring the...and our very own...cheesemeister of the Roxy Brown Does Cheese Party. No guesses to who stole the show...and I mean literally!! Our very own Ben Jammin, aka gay porn star of the night. Ladies, if any of you need to organise a stripper for some bachelorette party or somethin...gimme a shout cos i have just the man for you!! bring it on Jammin....

Elvis 6

Originally uploaded by seraholland.

Elvis 5...the alcoholic one

Originally uploaded by seraholland.

Elvis 4

Originally uploaded by seraholland.

Elvis 3

Originally uploaded by seraholland.

Elvis 2

Originally uploaded by seraholland.

The night of the Elvis's...or would it be Elvie

Originally uploaded by seraholland.
So I promised some pics....but firstly, here's crimescene 1...friday night at the jam jar! Not only did we consume a LOT of brandewyn, the horn was blown...ALOT, Jared got carried into the lift while trying very hard to protest, the horn was blown ALOT, and of course we got stuck in the lift AGAIN!! Lets just say Friday the 13th was celebrated somewhat inconspicuously on floor 13. Lets see if u can pick out Mr J and the Jammin underneath the elvis attire...ha ha it's really not that hard!!....saturday night's debauchery to follow...

ONCE OFF OFFER............

Well folks, finally my days in the modelling industry are ending, thankfully things are great and starting to pick up. I expect you all to make your appointments and come to experience "Sole Therapy" - I am doing an offer to all friends, a once off make the most of this offer. You have until 1st June. Call me and give me your days and times, so that I can log them in and so that you don't miss out............I am available in the evenings and on week-ends, so come on...get your freebie in before you miss out!!!

Magnum P Izzle

You all know worth1000, the best danm photoshop website on the web. I found this interesting section on racial profiling, where they make your favourite celeb another race. Below we have Tom "Magnum Pi" Seleck as a brother, what a hoot. check out the rest at:
Posted by Hello

Taking it to the next level...

This is for real people. An actual quote from The Hoff himself:

“There are many dying children out there whose last wish is to meet me.” —David Hasselhoff

Jou Ma se 90.8fm

Something very cool recently came to the Cape Town City Bowl.
Its called Mutha FM. They play nice cool relaxing lounge music that takes the edge off a busy day. The best thing about it is that there are no irritating DJ's to annoy you with their feeble attempts to be humourous. It starts at 6 in the evening and they seem to broadcast over the weekend. Well done Slaap stad.

In other news I know you are all sitting on the edge of your seat in anticipation of the Kerry aka K-Mac maiden voyage post. I personally have fallen of my chair twice just at the thought. Come on Kerry, stop teasing us, you little flirt.

You are young, my son, and, as the years go by, time will change and even reverse many of your present opinions. Refrain therefore awhile from setting yourself up as a judge of the highest matters.
Plato (427 BC - 347 BC), Dialogues, Theatetus

IT is back, the ever popular, much missed, cornerstone of existence,
The Quintesential Word of the Day
(intransitive verb, noun)[di·MUR]
intransitive verb
1. to take exception to; object: "She demurred at my suggestion to for a roll in the bushes."
2. (as in law) to enter a demurrer
3. to delay
4. an objection

Bloody Hell. This is getting ridiculous.

Kry vir jou.
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And your guest beard for the day:

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This style of beard is more commonly known as a "POESBEK". No really. It is. Really.

By the by, Die Emmers has had 72 first time visitors since 10th May, and 396 Hits. Can you feel the fame...Check out the stats baby.

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Mr J

Monday, May 16

The Marigold kills Project

Its time to face up to reality, there are some freakin weird people that populate our planet. Take Becky. What does Becky do to fill her leisure time. She takes pictures of all the little furry animals that her Cat ,Marigold, has recently killed.
"A year-long photographic chronicle of marigold's kills'. Please be warned that some images may be extremely graphic in nature."
Check it out:
Thats just wrong.


Originally uploaded by seraholland.

something to keep u going

Hi party peeps...

welcome to yet another week of work! well as you all know, I'm supposed to be posting some rather interesting photos to illustrate and highlight the exciting mad activities that took place this last weekend!! However I somehow seem to have NOT mastered the art of bluetooth as I so thought previously, and am waiting on a young 16 yr old to show a girl how it's done!! which means...u'll only get to see all the good stuff later!!

So I apologise for the wait...believe me it's worth it!! And so I'll leave u with a lil copy of a certain event I expect u all(well all in slaapstad) to attend in full force. U've probably seen it already but big up to lil veldie who will showing off her fabulous photographic talent sooner than u think.

Catch y'all later...i promise

...kay so having a lil difficulty with this pic...will be there soon

Viscous Rumours and a Mad Mad Mad evening

Howdy folks,
I cannot tell you how happy I am to see this side of the weekend and still being in one piece. The Jam Jar took it to a new level by doing a double back to back wammy. Friday- pure beautifull brandewyn and Coke session that skriks for niks.
Saturday- the official Sleaze syndicate Foxy Brown does cheesy before party. I have actually blocked out most of what happend to deal with my Sunday losers complex, but I do remeber some quality stage time and a pillar falling on Ms. M's head. Sera has promised an post today, so I am sure that she can fill us in with more details.
Till then, check these sexy beasts:Posted by Hello

What a deformed thief this fashion is.
William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616

Designer chest stubble Posted by Hello