F1 Betting

Its F1 weekend, its Melborne, Australia F1 weekend. And too all of you Renault supporters, who are you trying to kid? Where was your true never-say-die support when they where playing fourth fiddle about 3-4 years ago? I know where it was, it was supporting Ferrari, you turn coat bastards.
So this is just me informing everyone that do not try to compare yourself with a McLaren supporter. They are out of your league, they stick to their team. They where there in the bad times and they will be laughing their asses off in the good times when all the Renault supporters suddenly turn into age old Mclaren fans.

Anyjacuzzi, what i really want to say is go check out the F1 betting at the Ham. Its free, its fun, its got a points log, so you can see how well you are doing, its the future. And you have until today.

Science Guy

Hey Peeps,

Sorry about the lack of posts but been a bit busy trying to settle into my new life here in London....which as some of you may know is a tad bigger than Worcester. So I promise a proper post will follow soon...

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle. For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features. And just before she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eyes and a cricket stump shoved up his arse.

Nice tits

In a attempt to up the level of humour on DMers, I've decided to post this here picture of some really......

Fantastic aircon ad

Now this is how you sell something

When you least expect it

A HIGH SCHOOL GIRL FINALLY HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO GO TO A PARTY ALONE, SINCE SHE WAS GOOD LOOKING, SHE WAS A BIT NERVOUS ABOUT WHAT TO DO IF BOYS HIT ON HER, SO HER MOM SAID, IT'S VERY EASY, WHENEVER A BOY STARTS HITTING ON YOU, YOU ASK HIM "WHAT WILL BE THE NAME OF OUR BABY?" THAT WILL SCARE THEM OFF, SO SHE WENT.

AFTER A LITTLE WHILE AT THE PARTY A BOY STARTED DANCING WITH HER, AND LITTLE BY LITTLE, KISSING HER AND TOUCHING HER. SHE ASKED HIM, "WHAT WILL OUR BABY BE CALLED?" THE BOY FOUND SOME EXCUSE AND DISAPPEARED. SOME TIME LATER THE SAME THING HAPPENED AGAIN, A BOY STARTED TO KISS HER NECK, HER SHOULDERS........ SHE STOPPED HIM AND ASKED HIM, ""WHAT WILL BE THE NAME OF OUR BABY?" HE RAN OFF. LATER ON, ANOTHER BOY INVITED HER FOR A WALK, AFTER A FEW MINUTES HE STARTED KISSING HER AND SHE ASKED HIM, "WHAT WILL OUR BABY BE CALLED?" HE CONTINUED, NOW SLOWLY TAKING HER CLOTHES OFF. "WHAT WILL OUR BABY BE CALLED?" SHE ASKED ONCE MORE. HE BEGAN TO HAVE SEX WITH HER. "WHAT WILL OUR BABY BE CALLED?" SHE ASKED AGAIN. AFTER HE WAS DONE, HE PEELED OFF HIS CONDOM, TIED IT IN A KNOT AND SAID.... "IF HE GETS OUT OF THIS ONE.........He will be called Chuck Norris

Mystery reader

I was just going through our stats and I came across a certain mystery DMer reader that seems to visit us quite often. I am intrigued, I want to know more about this person, does not fit our normal demographic. Here are some details:
This mystery person lives in Gastonia, North Carolina. (if you dont know where that is look at the map provided. He/she works at the Gaston Memorial Hospital (or they could be a patient there). they use a windows 2000 operating system (which makes me believe that it is quite a old computer)Now this is all i've got.

If this person sounds like you please drop us a line, like i said I am intrigued why a person from North Carolina would spend close to 5 hours 42minutes over 18 visits on one day on this site. Now if we had porn I would understand, but we dont. We want to know all about you, what are your dreams, your hopes. Are you a neuro surgeon or are you a hillbilly that fell of your truck. PLEEEASE put us out of our misery.

Time waster

HOW

ARE YOU?
Personally, i need to work on my pimpness, i only got a 5

I got a 7 nigga bi-aitches. My pimp hand is way strong. Mr J-izzle.

Allot of v's

Me and Mr. J went and checked V for Vendetta last night. Hectic. So in one of the opening scenes, the main character, V, intoduces himself:

V: Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à-vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.

Mr J: " He must have read allot of books to come up with all those V's."

adobe

Via

Wingman

Maxim’s Wingman Training Manual

Sure, you’d help a pal crack a beer, but would you help him crack heads? Our guide to being all the friend you can be.

DUTY #1: WIPE HIS BEER GOGGLES
If he takes her home, he’s gonna blame you—so make like Jiminy Cricket.
Situation: Is he rip-roaring drunk? Sad-clown morose? On the lam after years on a men-only prison barge? Who knows? The dangerous thing is that his judgment of the fair sex is way, way off. It’s bad enough the girl he’s scamming sports circus-tent underwear, but all his pro boner work for the Pigs Need a Pork Foundation is killing any shot he has at primate sex…bringing you right down the evolutionary ladder with him.
Your mission: Saving your pal from sliding into skank is one of a wingman’s primary functions, so you must advise in the strongest possible terms against unsavory engagements. If he brushes aside your vigorous objection in front of at least one witness, you are officially relieved of your wingman responsibilities. But if it’s an encounter you’re 100 percent certain your pal will later regret, frag him with a smart bomb: “Hey, Bob. Tell her about your white blood cell count.”
DUTY #2: BACK UP HIS LIES
Misinformation is powerful social ammunition…Bombs away!
DUTY #3: FALL ON A GRENADE
War ain’t pretty, and neither is “the friend”? This is your mission.
DUTY #4: BACK HIM UP IN A BRAWL
All’s fair in love and bar fighting—so where the hell were you?
DUTY #5: KEEP HIM CORRUPT
Love is wonderful…but not when it interferes with decadence duty.
DUTY #6: GET HIM HOME ALIVE
It’s all fun and games until your buddy wakes up in the clink.

read the whole thing here

trouble in paradise

Just to settle a late night bong argument with Mr. J:

There are not the same amount of every colour of skittles in the same pack. Thereby i deduce that they do not use a electronic photo sensor when packing skittles. Now i know you design the skittle machines, so either you must have less late night bong arguments or check your plans a little closer.

Jammin- 1
Mr. j - 0

Kojack attack

Its time to honour one of our most relentless fans, by going who hoo, its your birthday. Here is to your never-say-die efforts to make K-Mac pregnant and here's to your back breaking job of looking at supermodels all day long and here to you leading the field in no hair technology.

Big number 32, whoo hoo

Catalonia is definately a nation

Thank you Brett for sending this special picture. It kind of reminds me how of how special you are too sometimes. Well viva Catalonia

Another Veggie Conversion

I am very happy to anounce that this here avid DMer reader has eaten her very first chicken wing (of the bone). This might not sound amazing to you but its damn well incredible considering that she was a fully fledged vegetarian that frowned upon any and all meat as if it was a steamy pile of swearwords. Well done Stephy, hold that headless chicken high. Now we still have a couple of vegetarian DMers left. ( I will not mention names) See, its not so bad. You guys should try it too. If I can quote steph: "I cannot wait to go home and eat more chicken, I love it". Us meat eaters must be onto something, if we are going to be going on and on about it.

Viva the internet

Attu reported this:

UK TV viewers will not get to see an episode of South Park which shows Nicole Kidman and fellow Scientologist John Travolta attempting to coax a fictional Tom Cruise character out of a closet, with Kidman saying: "Don't you think this has gone on long enough? It's time for you to come out of the closet. You're not fooling anyone."

Naturally, the robustly heterosexual Top Gun star took exception to this when Trapped in the Closet aired in the US. The episode also showed Stan - believed by the Cruise character to be the reincarnation of Scientology founder L Ron Hubbard - having a pop at Cruise's acting abilities, and Cruise reportedly waved the legal big stick at Paramount and threatened to sue if the offending programme was ever shown again.

ha ha, here it is:

A little fruit industry Humour

ha ha, story of my life

Happy Spoonk day

Today we are celebrating the birthday of one of our classiest Dmers. We do not hear allot from her here on Die Emmers, but that is just to remind us that we should count ourselves lucky that we know her at all.
This lovely lady is very busy running her own fashion empire up in Joburg. (this is not a plug, but if you have not walked into her Shop, COAT, then you are doing yourself a mischief), and being a celebrity is not easy work.

All of us here at DMers would like to wish you a Very Happy 2?th birthday. May you never lose a button hole, May you never forget that Cape town in your real home, may you never lose that smile, even for a little while. May good times fall on you like confetti of a bride and may you give up your vegetarian ways once and for all.

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.

Douglas Adams

Have a fantastic day!!

St. Patrick's day

OK, so I heard we won nothing, its cool, I don't mind. Kudo's to all those who did. You guys deserve it, no really, you do.

In other news its St. Patrics day and the only qeustion in my mind is where, oh where, are we going to drink tonight?

All I can really find is:

• The Rockin' Shamrock
  39 Loop Street, Cape Town
  (021) 421 3071

Rumour has it that they are rocking, see, it even says so right there in the name.

Kids books that never made it

Thanks Kerry

In the eyes of the ranger part 99

Contrary to popular belief, the phone book isnt a directory; it is actually a list of people Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked today... and how many times.

Chuck Norris doesnt get an erection; an erection gets Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris goes to a stip club, the girls tip him.

Chuck Norris doesn't need a lighter to light a cigarette, he just stares at it till it starts to burn.

Chuck Norris doesn't shower the dirt just jumps off from fear.

Chuck Norris refers to himself in fourth person.

Chuck Norris uses Viagra eyedrops so he can look hard.

Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris ends every relationship with "Its not me, its you".

Whenever Chuck Norris's wife asks him nicely to do the dishes, he throws them in the garbage and tells her she looks fat.

Frippit shines again

My Verrbier Photo's are finally up, you can find them here or you can see the long elated version here.

put joy into beaking the seal

some funny urinals


more

Desktop earth

For those of you suffereing from god complex, have i got good news for you. Now ypu can make your desktop your portal to the world. Your world. the one you are ruling.]

Desktop Earth is a wallpaper generator for Windows. It runs whenever you're logged on and updates your wallpaper with an accurate representation of the Earth as it would be seen from space at that precise moment.


If you are interested check it here
Via attu

almost didnt see you there

This is a picture of my brother in law at our recent bosberaad close to Tabazimbi. I had no idea how hunting has progressed. Guns, things of the past. Safari hat, long gone. Knee socks, up your bum. Now its all hunting bows, camo gear and walk and stalk. Where are the good old days of hunting at night with massive headlights and popping a Gemsbok through your telescope.

DMer update

Howdy folks, i'm back behind this grueling mountain of work that has patiently been awaiting my return. But wow so much has happened in my absense:

• Sera left sweet slaapstad for ice cold Europe
• Jace has had her 2? birthday, Big up soul sister
• Negotiations has been entered for a new Dmer (all very hush hush at this stage)
• A new look is on its way
• Posting has sunk to a new level of Low (except boon, well done bugger)
• Esmarelda has quit her job and is going to go some extensive Dmer reporting in India
• Kmac is work hard on producing a mini-Kmac
• Mr. J got his first Mother-Daughter combo on the weekend
• The Jammin proved himself once again to be a natural athlete and carve the swiss mountains as if they where a sunday roast.

Your posting holiday is over let the games begin.

Skier down

Another unsuccessfull 10m jump. A for effort though, I reached a height of about 2m and fell flat on my chest- knocking every last piece of will to stay alive out of me. the pain, the pain.
Anyjacuzzi, full report to follow soon, I am flying down to Jozi tonight and will all you mofo's on Saterday