Die art scam

This must be the funniest this I have ever read on the internet. Please, when you have a decent gap today (about 15min free) do yourself a favour and go read the scam about the The Incredible Shrinking Artwork

I am not going to give anything more away, but you will be glad you did.

Die lazy man post

Sorry to simply dump yet another inbox joke and disguise it as a post but I found this particularly amusing.

DADDY LONG LEGS
A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled ashe reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears formed inhis eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature throughsuch innocent eyes.

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to herto see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she waslooking at two Daddy Long Legs' mating."Daddy, what are those two insects doing?" she asked. "They're mating," her father replied."What do you call the insect on top?" she asked."

That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered."So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question hereplied "No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."

The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, thentook her foot and stomped them flat."Well, we're not having any of that gay sh!t in our garden." she said.

Thanks Anita.

Die begin van die Einde

Now here is something to brighten that hangover. A brilliant Japanese animation of what will happen when a meteor hits earth. Its hectic, no underground bunker will save your sorry ass, no Bruce Willis can slip in just in the nick of time. We will all pretty much be buggered. Even if it hits on the American side first. (which if you have been watching your end of the world movies, you will realise that it will hit just next to New York, and then a big tidal wave will wash over the statue of libery)

Die Best song on my radio

Its that time of the year again, yes, I can see you sitting upright. Its the time when we say:" I cannot believe you do not have this album" I am actually far behind with this one, everybody knows about it, it even gor featured in the friggin Sundat Times magazine (I mean really, can we even call that a magazine), so if it filtered through everything down to ground level, then everyone should have it all ready. Now here comes the interesting part, If you now find youself never to have heard of these fellas, then all i can say with a big fat L on my forehead is: "looooeeeeoooosssser", but I'm not that kind of guy. Also, who says loser these days. Not the cool kids in the yard, and their life is better than yours, damn right, it's better than yours.

where was I, yes, Ladies and Gents... the Raconteurs
Wow, when is the last time rock gave you a woody (no JP, not The Rock). The album is called Broken Boy Soldiers

You want to know more (here is the copy and paste section):

"Smothered by the indulgence of his rock star ranking, Jack White steps into the eccentricities of the supergroup, and at first glance, this seems to be a band where White's imposing presence could overshadow the rest. Not the case with these Raconteurs. Teaming with fellow Detroit songwriter Brendan Benson and Jack Lawrence and Patrick Keeler, the rhythm section from Cincinnati band the Greenhornes, White exhales a bit, deferring enough to his mates to make Broken Boy Soldiers play like a team effort. Following the Benson blueprint, "Steady as She Goes," which opens as a slice of 1960's radio pop,....more "

go get it Now

Die Emmer makes headlines

Our very own Tom ato is in the news again. The nerd news that is, but not that any of us can ever do what you do. Its all about Blue Clusters and the end of the world as we know it. Go check the article here.

Go Tom, nice set of pearlers

Die feel good game

Die you friggin scubadivers from hell!!!!!

Die Monday cartoonies

Check out more here

Die kak snaakse grappie

Because i believe you need it.....

If a bra is an upper topper titty flopper stopper,

and a jock strap is a lower decker pecker checker,

and a roll of toilet tissue is a super duper doody pooper scooper,

what do you call a Japanese drummer boy whose father has diarrhea?

A slap happy Jappy with a crap happy pappy.

Die Airbrush

As some of you might know, i have been trying to teach myself Photoshop. Its been damn hard, cause everytime you go and visit your buddies for a free lesson, you end up polishing a bottle of tequila and crawling home at about 3 that morning. Well no more. I'm rather learning from the professionals, online that is, from people that know what they are talking about, that do not get bored and start cracking with slow learners.

Well today's lesson was in airbrushing and it was great. The dude is called Mizuno and he turned this...into this..


Click on them for the full view

So shoot me; It does not hurt that its a lovely lady, but thats not the point. the point is - go check this tutorial, so that, like me, you can do this to pictures of your loved ones. They are worth it.

Die Please Explain

The nice thing about having your truck fall over down here is that you can still have a view of the mountain.
PS: Sorry about the crappy phone pic

Die Shipping news

If you have not seen that friggin massive vessel in Cape Town habour lately then you either are stuck very deeply on the wrong side of the mountain or you are choking on a big fat boerewors curtain. Its like a floating factory. Big enough to hail from Mordor. Check the pic on the left. Its a sneaky I took from the Royal Cape Yaught Club during my lunch hour.

The Pope's dad say's its a oil semi reninery and he knows everything.

Die Scary Movie $

If some of you ladies where not that keen to go and check Scary Movie 4, here is some incentive..

Die special feeling

My oh my!!! Dinner club is going to kill me soon. My head is 7 seconds away from imploding.There is actually no power to post anything worthwhile, so I'm giving you something fresh out of my Inbox. Which is funny cause these pictures represent exactly how I feel.

Die DJ saved my life

It's not often that rock and roll saves your life, but Ruby Wilson should thank Green Day after their artwork kept her safe from a dangerous hand grenade.

Ruby, 12, from Halifax, was clearing leaves when she found the device, and recognised it from a picture on her Green Day t-shirt.

Her dad saw her with the grenade, told her to put it down and called the army, who then blew it up.

found on Attu

Personally I would never have know what a drowning baby looked like if I did not see one on the Nirvana cover first.

Die Conspiracy Theory

Actually I do not really have one except the fact that these two objects are looking way too much alike to be a coinkidink.

The world cup trophy could just be the calling beacon for Tom Cruize's Scientology alien army to attack right in the middle of the World cup Final between Mexico and Holland. I am suddenly glad South Africa did not become host nation.

I know its almost 2 o'clock and going home time for those who live in Cape Town, but IF you still in the office, please do yourself a big fat favour and go and check out these bunny suicides. It's kinda twisted, but it does make you feel all fuzzy on the outside. And once you get over all of that, it's friggin hilarious.

Die World Cup Dilema

Its getting Tight!!! The kick off is tonight and I have not yet chosen a team for the World Cup Pool.
I am checking the odds and it seems that Brazil is definately the favourite everywhere. But I really need a underdog suprise. Here are the top 10 favourites:

	Brazil	3.6
	England	8
	Germany	9
	Argentina	9.5
	Italy	11
	France	13
	Holland	15
	Spain	15
	Portugal	26
	Czech Republic	34

More here

Now the real clever money will be on Trinidag and Tobago with odds of 2001 (R100 X 2001= R200 100 ). But really, what are the chances. Any suggestions?

Die Best Kept Secret

Ever heard this:" Damn brother man, this fish is so fresh, it must have still be swimming this morning". No?, well I hear it all the time. That is because I found the best place to buy the most fantastic fish. It is called Cape Seafood Wholesalers. They have no counters, tills, credit card machines, shop assistants, nothing. Its basically a wharehouse that buys a great variety straight from the fishing boats and distibute them to most of Cape Town's top restaurants.

They take you to the cold room in the back where these massive creatures lie under a bed of ice. Personally I was looking for some tuna. The guy then showed me a tuna the size of a pig. Unbelieevable!!! I told him:" no buddy, i just need 1kg, for sushi night you know". It was no problem. He cut me my piece there and then. And just listen to the price. R50 per kg. It's true. Alternaticely you can go to Pick 'n Pay and pay about R150 per kg on a good day.

Don't try to find this place, you will get lost. It's in Paarden Eiland (dodge city) and the best way to get there is to phone Kevin at +2721 510 6276. You will never go anywhere else.

Die end of a era

OK, its over now, the Chuck had officially come and gone, but I really could not resist, just for old times sake.

Die Shameless Self-promotion

The flower season has recently started again and you are all forced to go get yours imediately at your local Woolies. Chicks dig flowers, need I say more.

More pictures at the Frippit

Die Wednesday Wisdom

Is it true organic wine doesn’t give you a hangover?

This would be great if it was true, but if you drink too much organic wine of course you will get a hangover.

However, organic wine, drunk in moderation, is less likely to give you a hangover than standard wine. All wines are treated with sulphur dioxide to help prevent deterioration in taste, but most organic winemakers tend to add far less than is routine practice. Many people react badly to sulphur and get headaches, so it is fair to say that organic wine is less likely than normal wine to give you a hangover. More

Die Engineering Wonders; Part 3

This fascinating picture shows how condensation of ambient water vapour occurs when air is suddenly subjected to low pressures. You see this often (although less spectacularly) as vapour trails left by commercial aircraft.
Its is made special as the aircraft is travelling close to Mach 1, and the Prandtl-Glauert singularity has amplified all pressure perturbations. As a result, the regions of expansion (low pressure) above the wings and cockpit correspond to much lower pressures than we would expect in an incompressible flow.
Now if there are any budding engineers out there, thinking "Hmm… Prandtl-Glauert singularity. That sounds fascinating! I think I’ll learn more"…DON’T! You will hurt your head. Even I could not understand all the maths despite wearing my glasses and a very knowing frown. Alas, that knowledge lies exclusively in the field of the brilliant, such as our co-writer Tom-ato who it appears (bored of waiting for Moira to take over the World) has started to make a play at taking over the universe.

Die Witpyp

Imagine this; in the 60's there was a commonly prescribed sleeping tablet sold around the world. But something was wrong, people became dependant. They realised that if you use the tablet with alcohol and dagga, it caused psycological and physical euphoria. Burglaries shot through the roof and the authorities had no choice but to ban it in most parts of the world because of its misuse. It's also one of the drug experiemented with by Wouter Basson ( and apparenty he later used it to create a drug laced tear gas).
What am I talking about? Mandrax aka Buttons to some of you. I have seen what it does to farm workers. Its scary. It turns these guys into Zombies. Its ridicilously cheap and easy to get - R30 (about $5) versus Crack that will cost you about R150 ($ 24). What is little known is that this drug is the most common drug used in South Africa. And apparently, very few other places. We use 80% of the world's production. And they make most of it in India and traffic it to us through North Africa. So once again a proudly South African product made more cheaply by other country's.

Die other side of the Mountain

Not enough kudo's go to the Constantia Wine route. Cape Townians drive all the way to Stellies, when there are about 5 fantasic farms right under their noses. Plus/minus 20mins from everywhere. These where the first wine farms developed in the western cape, so the heritage is so thick you can choke on it. But its all good. Lieing close to the ocean give the soils a basic (as in basic versus acid) edge that the more inland winefarms do not have. This leads to great white wines.


Just take Cape Town's top selling white wine, the Buitenverwagten Buiten Blanc (or the BBB to the joburger's who cannot pronouce the dutch). You can buy it at a restaurant for roughly R90 to R130. On the farm you can pick it up for R36. Its a deal, its a friggin steal. (keep in mind that the rest of their selection does ges pretty steep, but you are definately worth it).

The area is breathtakingly beautifull and features some of the best restaurants that Cape Town has to offer. Perfect for a winter's summers day.

Die Engineering Wonders; Part 2

This image is one of the most spectacular pictures taken at Black Rock. The run occurred on October 6, 1997. The Mach number was approximately 0.95 and shock wave was formed near the front of the vehicle. Now I hear some of the more diligent noting that a Mach number of 0.95 is not actually supersonic and so shouldn’t produce shock waves. Which is a valid point, however, although the vehicle may not be supersonic the air that is being caused to flow around the body is and hence the formation of the shock wave.

Originally, it was thought that the differences in the lighting were due to refraction of light by the shock. It is now believed that a better explanation is that the "wind" induced by the shock has kicked up dust behind the shock. The bright region is just a scattering of the light off that faint dust cloud.

The THRUST team also reported that further evidence of the presence of shock waves during the transonic runs was found by inspection of the desert floor after passage of the vehicle. The dirt was seemingly pulverised with a "raked" appearance for a hundred or so feet to each side. This observation is consistent with the above "lofting-dust" explanation of the illumination.

Die Kasme

I recently had a slight disagreement with someone who does not appreciate the KASME (Kick Ass Sci-fi Movie Extravaganza). What this person could not understand was why there was such a constant stream of "crap" coming from Hollywood. "its all superhero's and hobbits these days". "where is the quality film?"
The answer is quite simple. Its all about the money. If something makes money, you are going to see allot of the same pretty soon. Why do you think they made a "Big Momma's house 2"? Lets look at the all time top 10 grossing movies:

Rank	Title	Worldwide Box Office
1.	Titanic (1997)	$1,835,300,000
2.	The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)	$1,129,219,252
3.	Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (2001)	$968,600,000
4.	Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)	$922,379,000
5.	The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)	$921,600,000
6.	Jurassic Park (1993)	$919,700,000
7.	Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005)	$892,194,397
8.	Shrek 2 (2004)	$880,871,036
9.	Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)	$866,300,000
10.	Finding Nemo (2003)	$865,000,000

What do we have here, 3 Harry Potter's, 2 Lord of the rings, 2 Animations, a Star Wars and Titanic at the top (note: Titanic success is due partly to some crazy's watching it up the 16 times). Just look at that, Science Fiction city. Actually the highest non Sci-fi movie only comes in at number 22 - Forrest Gump ( and even that is riddled with special effects). If you had to scroll down to a non-special-effect "normal" movie you would land up at no.37 - Home Alone (no there's quality).
But its not that these movies are bad. The creativy assounds me. So much works and effort goes into creating a believable unbelievable world. Animation movies take 3 years to make. I sometimes feel that they have more "art" than art house movies. The only thing that they are lacking in are strong political or social opinions. But you can get that anywhere really.

So if you feel slightly guilty for eagerly anticipation the next Spiderman movie much more than the next Brokeback Mountain movie, don't feel bad. You are normal. You are the majority. Its all about the pop corn.

Die future is now

Today is the greatest day in the history of my existence. Up till now i have just been plottering along though life not knowing what its all about. Well, that was until Julius Wood (how did he know my name) decided to include me in the most amazing offer i have seen to date. The... Just look at that girl, not only is she hot, but she is looking up, that man's penis must be HUGE. Now just imagine, it can go right in between your Fat loss patch and your Nicorette patch. Now you can be thin, without a ciggie and hung like a Carribian fighting Donkey. Whats more amazing is that it will:

• Elevate sex drive to new levels
• Maintain erections for longer periods
• Raise my ejaculation volume

Why have we never heard about this patch before? Will this product sink Viagra? Can you put it on your cucumber if you need to make a large salad? So many qeustions...
This offer must be the reason I have a e-mail adress