Be carefull when you take a picture of your cat

The new Batman rocks

It really does, especially if you take a little something something with.

I'm not much for for movie reviews (actually I am), but the batmobile is realistic, the acting great, gotham city is creepy, katie is hot and batman only takes on what he can handle. a DM 8/10. instant classic.

Bruce Wayne: They told me there was nothing out there, nothing to fear. But the night my parents were murdered I caught a glimpse of something. I've looked for it ever since. I went around the world, searched in all the shadows. And there is something out there in the darkness, something terrifying, something that will not stop until it gets revenge. [pause]
Bruce Wayne: Me.

Can it be?

I know, I know

You too can get your own tombstone by just clicking here

The challenge

So old Mugabe's right hand man went ahead and said this about Tony Blair :

"He has never been to Zimbabwe before ... he's got to be man enough and meet our president, meet Zimbabweans so that he understands"

Thats a challenge right there. Are you man enough Tony. You wussy punk ass brit. Hell no, I am willing to put money down that Tony will never ever see the grassy plains of Zim. He instead shifted the responsiblity to South Africa:

"I feel very frustrated about the situation in Zimbabwe. I desperately want to do more but I know that the only salvation for Zimbabwe will come from the countries surrounding Zimbabwe and inside Zimbabwe itself"

So the buck got swung down to Mbeki and we all know how eager he is to get stuck in. So much for the Homeland Pongaz.

If you have the urge to read more.

Then to increase the culture of DMers we have some art:


What makes these works rather special is that they where painted by breasts. Female ones I hope. See mr. J, art is for everyone.

The art of living easily as to money is to pitch your scale of living one degree below your means.
Sir Henry Taylor

Evil is lurking everywhere

Talk about Blogging a dead horse

Not so weekend roundup

Things to do on a Saturday morning if you find youself without a hangover:

1. Go walk in the mountain

I only have one thing on my list so far cause normal Saturday mornings it's just me, my couch, my regmaker and my cartoons. Any suggestions are welcome.

The wine urges me on, the bewitching wine, which sets even a wise man to singing and to laughing gently and rouses him up to dance and brings forth words which were better unspoken.
Homer (800 BC - 700 BC), The Odyssey

And thus I conclude my argument why Me, Kerry and Mr. J might have been found snoozing and spooning in the same single bed. Its that damn bewitching wine and a new invention called Brandetini (2 X brandewyn + 1 x Vermouth + 1 x drunk fool to drink it)

Coat

Your avid, yet fearless reporter recently undertook the task of investigating one of our very own contributor's new shop up in Jozie. Officially being the first Capetonian in her store did come as a suprising honour. (although you might hear different claims being shouted by Sera in the background, but she has no proof so just ignore her)
The Shop is called COAT and if I can quote one of the customers I overheard
" so elegant and stylish"
which is was.

Here is the signature coat that you can find on the wall outside.


And here is the lovely Spook herself teasing the camera

All the clothes are imported from Argentina which will guarantee you exclusivity on any little black number that you get from Coat. You can find this hidden treasure at 44 stanley Rd. Jozie. The same complex as the Colour bar. So if you are in the big ashtray go give it a gander.

Mid Winter Blues

I don't know what's worse.
The half assed rain the Cape Town produces, that keeps you cold, miserable, wet and indoors.

OR

Sitting in the office whilst there is a beautifull day happenening only10mm of glass away.

Come on, this is beach weather, and i am sure that if you mosey down to Camps Bay right this very minute, there will be plenty a fine foxy European lady catching some rays.
Scientifically since yesterday was the longest night you can put today down to the first day of summer. whoo hoo. Get out that SPF.

In other news you might have noticed we have a new contender for the FW Olympics. The Pope himself has entered for the 10m handstand dash. Game on, big boy.
Then as I will be in Jozie for the next two days, this is the last you will hear from me this week. Please try and hold back the tears.
Then has anyone found Sera, or can we just assume that she is now a Swazi Princess, popping out heirs for a living. Its not all about the money Saartjie, its about the love.

Farming looks mighty easy when your plow is a pencil, and you're a thousand miles from the corn field.
Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890 - 1969), September 11, 1956
I hear you brother


Thanks Iraldo

Exclusive

Still rocking after all these years.


1992

From the left: Jan die man, their fag boy, Niek die prick and Koos die doos in front.
2005

There are more of these sexy Vaal triangle guys here.



This is my smut submission for the ROX competition, there are humans (almost) but they are clothed.Thats gotta count for something.


Big up JP, good to see you representin.

Nou is ek in Worcester of Wellington?

Hello my people.
To start I must say I think trashing the jandiemoron may be my new favourite past time!

Anyway back to me and my life...I have been offered a role as a design engineer for a company in Worcester the original home of the sauce and not nearly as close to Wellington as you may think. The 'city' is quaint and more like the a town but has a thousand year old cathedral so I guess they get to claim what they like.

Now the role doesn't quiet involve the design of aircraft but rather mining machinery.. scintillating I know but 8 months after graduation I actually just had to start working!!!The money is good and its just a six month contract so a good start in the Uk market. The bar job continues till the end of the weekend and although it hardly rolled in the money I met some fun people and generally a had a good time as one does when surrounded by alcohol and drunk people.

Well I fear will not make it to the winter olympics this year although I know my deft ability to place my foot in my mouth will be sorely missed. Well fans I can only promise to keep practising till next year.

Ben the Chicken ala can of lager is the business and will be doing my best to expose the culinary challenged brits to your genius ...or plagerism.
Hope you guys are all well and surviving the winter...I actually got sun burnt on sunday!! Kan jy dit nou oor vertel!
LaterJP

Blog watch USA

As we all know Americans in general are arrogant ignorant idiots. In general they are fat and and think that Africa is a country between Mexico and China. They are Bush supporting, gun toting hillbillies. Individually on the other hand they can be quite inspired and entertaining. Eg: Quintin Tarentino. Lets try to get under the lateral thinking liberal American's Skin.

Now I have stumbled upon some entertaining American Blogs, check them out:

Orange County: Overworked And Underf*cked

Las Vegas: Mr. Underhill

And for Sera

L A: Pink is the new Blog

that should do it for now, all those blogs have got links to other worthwhile reads, Check out the Paris Hilton sucks link. Finally someone who agrees with me.

Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.
G. K. Chesterton (1874 - 1936)

QWOD
bon ton(noun) [bon·TON]
1. sophisticated taste, style, or manners; good taste: "Ro will be able to wear her nice jean pant at the bon ton reception Friday night at the museum."

News from Buenos Aires

"We have had a few adventures, and i now like to think of myself as quite an adventure-kind-of-girl....
we went to the Iguazu falls, which are situated on the border of brazil and argentina. they are really awesome, as there are walkways that actually go OVER some of the falls, THROUGH others etc. we caught a speedboat, that went through them at the bottom. So scary, and we got totally drenched, but great. We also went to stay at a ranch in the Pampas region of argentina, where the ´gauchos´ (cowboys) work. I finally rode a horse, as i have been wanting to for years, and can safely say that i won´t be doing that again. I was TERRIFIED!
and not to mention that my bum was so sore i couldn´t sit the next day! It was great to be in the countryside with a huge fireplace and loads of red wine though..."

Its weekend time

Noot vir Noot- we know you've watched it

May the vegtable section be with you 

Think of the house as yourself and the cliff as the weekend. 

I AM SPAM.

First up, thanks for the recipe Jammin. I did notice, however, that you referred to it as "gay", which is interesting in the context of Chad's assumptions (as fuelled by Mr J and myself).

Secondly, you guys have become nerds - and I am most certainly not talking about the N.E.R.D. variety either. Although I am incredibly impressed at the dexterity with which you nimbly navigate your way around contemporary information technology, I must admit that my rolling chortle whilst reading your posts has to do with the fact that I can't believe that I am actually friends with you people...... still...... OUT OF CHOICE!! (well, except for K & D-Mac, but that's a family matter). I trust that you acknowledge that you have all assumed cyber-alter egos, especially you streetfighting Mr J (Is that chisled beard an alignment of your cause with that of the true leader of all consonant pseudonymers, who so adeptly fulfilled his role as B(ad) A(ttitude) Baracus?) As for your our Virtual Vandalisers (Koos, Nick and Jan), is your mom also going to sue MJ?

Finally, because I don't want to waste your posting moments, I thought that you would be proud to know that my emails - it's what people who don't sit on the internet use to communicate (actually gives you a warning when there is a new message or EVENT - Like Olympics!!) - have been identified as "*** Possible Spam Mail Detected ***", and so... "I AM SPAM" (I am hoping to give Sean Penn a run for his money in the cyber sequel.)

'til next month... See you in the real world.

The World Famous Can Can Chicken

Its true, Die Emmers's 1rst recipe ever. Its slightly gay, but since it's public holiday and business is slow here in the office I will take this oppurtunity to present to you one of the best damn recipes I have ever stumbled accross. I found it in one of those game hunting cookbooks for foreigners that pay through their nose to stay at 7 star game lodges and hunt giraffes or warthogs and go home and tell their friend how rough and wild Africa still is. All in all, terribly colonial.

1. Now the first step to the Can Can chicken, is to find yourself a beer (in a can of course).

2. Take about 3 sips out of the can and then stuff the can with your favourite herbs and spices. A bay leaf is not a bad idea.

3. Shove the can up you chicken's ass and then cover the chicken with a good salt rub.

4. Now pop this badboy in the oven at about 200 degrees for 2,5 hours

5. The wonder of this methon is that the beer now starts to boil and then the steam cooks the bird from the inside aswell, creating a very juicy chicken. Now take him out and be amazed.

6. Cut up and serve, another trick is to have witnesses when you do this, people will be amazed and your culinary skills. A beer? a chicken? who would have thought it. Its friggin amazing.

FFFIIIIIIGGGGHHHHTTTT

We have now reach new heights in the Geek world. Yes, a cyber fight. I mean come on.
This is what we are dealing with:



Nickdieprick: No? Well in that case F*ck JP ,Mr J, Jammin and all the other ladyboys on this piece of sh*t site.

And then

Koos die Doos: JP, you are a 1*beep*2. You see JP it is that simple.

Koos die Doos: Come now JP, if you remove the swearing restrictions on your tagboard you will reveal the truth. Run along now.

JP: Koos, uou are seriosly not welcome here, and mind your langauge, there are ladies present

Jandieman: Listen here idiots, we welcome anywhere..... P.S F*ck you

so we got in the big guns


mR J: Oh-And heres a random F*ck you for Jandieman. Here have another: F*ck off P*ES.


Jammin: And another one from me too, kiss my hairy ass Jan,

I can see some enormous personal growth here for all involved, but why so angry. So young and so angry. Well it all started when somebody posing as JP (his name might start with a J and end with a ammin) put words to the rumour that Jan and his crew where in fact just a figment of someone's imagination and that they really do not exist. Well they put up such a protest that they do exist (by using profanities that will make a sailor blush) that the natural conclution that one has to make is that they don't.
So there is no Jan, there is no Nick, there is no Koos, there is no problem.
Whatever they are, they are sick, just click on their name to go to their site (i warn you, its bad).

In other mews: as of 4 o'clock tonight you will be able to phone me again. But I lost all your numbers. I mean it all of them. So drop a brother a sms (with your name in it) so I can start from scratch.

The long lost...Jeep

Hey Kids... I know the shock of actually hearing from the long lost love ninja will probably be too much for most of you but the fact that you are all sitting at your desks in various states of semi-consciousness will help.
So whats the story with this JP character writing on the tag board (notice my superb use of blog terminology on my first day...impressive no?) I don't remember giving up the rights on my name and he isn't doing wonders for my reputation. Ben you working on this I hope!!
So a little news for those that are interested. I am now in the UK with a working visa (had a slight delay in having to return to Jozi for a quick ten day stint to obtain it) and all and have been up in the Birmingham area for nearly two weeks now. Doing some part-time bar work at a funky cocktail bar while my recruiters look for something for me to do that may require slightly more brain power than...'nother pint there geezer!
Looking for work in the London area but have only been offered positions such as waste water engineer (for those that are not wanting to make the link it is in fact got to do with pumping excrement) clearly not up my road so to speak and was located well north of any real place anyone has heard off, so the search continues!!
No digital pics to show although I am planning on having some negatives scanned and will then make a little collection of travels and experiences for you guys to peruse. Hope you all well in Die Emmer land and enjoying the pleasures of the cape town winter...not that dis-similar to the Uk summers in case you feeling sorry for yourselfs.
Promise to keep in contact fom now.JP

Do we get Thursday off?

Sorry folks for posting the link to those disgusting wankers, Jan die man and his crew. I have now removed it as I do not think that their content is suitable for the young impressionable minds that we find on die Emmers. And yes Kerry, that means you. Next thing we know you will have Damon dressed up in a nun suit. AHHH I just got a visual image.
So if these punks do write something in our tagboard, just ignore them please. They are like a scab that only get worse if you scratch them.

In other news we have got a new contender for the Olympics, Steffie -bubble blowing competition. (i will keep obvious chirps to myself). People, we need your events, its getting closer and closer.

Every mile is two in winter.
George Herbert (1593 - 1633), Jacula Prudentum

Do go check out that interesting story on 2oceansvibe about that yadda yadda yadda, actually just go read it, its actually mind blowing. 1st read the initial story and then the follow up .

Joke of the year

Why do men's hearts beat quicker, knees go weak, throats get dry and think irrationally when a woman wears leather clothing?






BECAUSE IT MAKES HER SMELL LIKE A NEW BAKKIE

The looming weekend

"KGET TV 17 caught up with David Hasselhoff who said that the big-screen version of Knight Rider has endured a two year delay because producers wanted to mute the show's trademark talking car, K.I.T.T.
Hasselhoff, who starred in the original 80's TV series and is taking the lead in the upcoming remake, has insisted the vehicle have a voice of its own or he wouldn't make the film.
"It's stupid. There's no film without a talking car. So we waited for two years and we won. The car will talk," said Hasselhoff.
In the series, K.I.T.T. was voiced by actor William Daniels."

WHAT, if K.I.T.T. did not have the British private school boy accent then whats the point. The Hoff just cruizing around, shagging chicks, thats what he does anyway (or so we all deeply want to believe). Good thing for us all that the Hoff is a man of principles.

Rumours has it that all the cool people go hiking on Table Mountain on Saturday's.Well thats what a few brave emmers did last sat and it was pretty damn entertaining. Since its the rainy season you are guaranteed of big mofo streams gushing past and gloomy Lord of the rings scenery. (Sera likes to think that she is Frodo). Leaping from rock to rock before you start you Saturday afternoon boozing from scratch. Highly recommended.

And in other news:
Here is the supposed sketch by Michael Jackson’s accuser.


Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.
George Saunders, last words

World’s First Tasting Robot

Since actually slapping taste buts on a slobbery, robotic tongue would probably be far too difficult, the company opted to install an infrared sensor in one of the robot’s “hands.” When you put a piece of food up to the sensor, it will blast it infrared at different wavelengths, and depending on the reverb, the robot can determine what food it is.
Read Japanese? If yes, read more here.

Thanks Double Viking

Sushi at Casa du Veldtie

The Jam Jar went in search of balance and peace at Pam's Sushi evening.

They found it somewhere between wine bottle 5 and 7 and lost it by bottle 12. So since all the evidence was distroyed I will once again claim my crown as the sushi making king.
Thank you thank you

Here you can see Sensei J trying his luck.



Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
Fran Lebowitz (1950 - )

QWOD
trivet(noun) [TRIV·it]
1. a stand with short feet used under a hot dish on a table: "Lindors could deduce from the trivet that gravy had been served." -Cause he's gay
(i'm just putting that in to see whether he ever reads his QWOD)

Kinda like I feel today 

It's good to be popular

There is always that guy at school that had about 5 mates and then suddenly one day he did something right and then he got 12 mates. And then this dude was over the moon at just how cool he has suddenly become. What he didn't realise was that the really cool people had about 25 mates each.
Well thats how I feel now with our average unique attendance at 14 per day. I KNOW its nothing like the chumpstylers with something like 280 unique hits a day, but i feel pretty damn cool. AND SO SHOULD YOU!!!
So spread the word, spread the love, tell yo mama, tell yo dog and the truth shall set you free. Come on people, I need to be 30th on SA top Site by the end of the week ( we are now 43rd).

Then at Tom's reqeust- here are the links for Toshimitsu Takagi infamous rooms:
The Crimson Room
The Viridian Room
The Blue Chamber
I cracked the first one and is still busy with the second, they are damn hard I tell you.

It's a dangerous business going out your front door.
J. R. R. Tolkien (1892 - 1973), The Fellowship of the Ring

QWOD
"AALST (n.) One who changes his name to be further to the front"

The Spietkop

A Brakpan spietkop (traffic cop) pulls off a blonde in a new blue Toyota Tazz with Badgirl stickers on the front, back and sides. "Marrem, can I see your driver's larsence please" says the spietkop. "What is a driver's larsence?" queries the blonde. "Its dat little square fing" Explained the spietkop, "Wif apicture of you on it!!" The blonde scratches through her handbag and comes across a square make-up compact.She opens it, looks in the mirror, closes it and hands it over to the spietkop. He opens it, looks in the mirror, hands it back to her and says: "It's OK Marrem, you can go...I didn't realise you is also a spietkop!"

But does it hurt?

Have you ever been baffled by words such as

• DRILL DONG
• SACAFRICOSIS
• TADPOLING
• SCREWNICORN
• RIDING THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE KINGS

Well, the very handy Porn Dictionary is for you my friend.

But a word of warning, don't be shouting these out at your next dinner party, someone might know what they mean.

Eat Fruit

No seriosly, you must.

Help your friends stay healthy by going to
www.eatfruit.com
A fantastic website that provides you with the oppurtunity to tell your friends to eat more fruit.
They will love you for it.

Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you what you are.
Anthelme Brillat-Savarin (1755 - 1826), The Physiology of Taste, 1825

QWOD
"CLIXBY (adj.) Politely rude. Briskly vague. Firmly uninformative."

We dont want to get sick before the Olympics
Maroccanroll

New bigger, better

Its all for YOU!!!, you better believe it. We now have 2 new contributors to DMers.
Bigger -The Pope
(not the real one)
Yes, this 6 foot 5 aditition will help us reach the top shelf and help us with our technical problems.

and

Better -RO
(your boat)
Live from the island of Geurnsey, this lovely lady will keep us attuned with all thing British

Drop them a welcome line people.

Special Olympics for Special People

As the rumors might of spread over the weekend, there is indeed a Franschoek DMer weekend coming our way. Whoo hoo.
Now due to unnecessary arguments between the Jammin and some (lets keep them unnamed) Veldties and Hollandaises there will have to be a Olympics to determine who rules the Universe.
As if you didn't already know.
The rules are rather simple:

1. Anybody can take part in the Olympics
2. You have to nominate your own event.(something you can do in 10 min max). It is recommended that you choose something that you are good at, so you will at least win one event.
3. You then have to partake in all events including your own.
4. Cheating is allowed only if you don't get caught

Events that are already on our roster are as follows

• flexibility (How low can you go) - Jackie Veldtman
• Orange Peeling (longest peel wins) - Marie Holland
• Movie Mastermind (Who knows the mostest) - Slammin Jammin
• Chip and Putt (accuracy and style) - Mr. J

Winner does take home the gold and bottles of wine which will be sponsored by the losers. Ie: Entrance fee is a bottle of wine

The Olympic weekend is scheduled for the first weekend of July. Please submit you application in a timeously fashion so we can start with booking.

Now I have to warn you that there has been some big talkers out there. You are going down, all of you, MMOOOO HA HA HA HA

Sports serve society by providing vivid examples of excellence.
George F. Will (1941 - )

thank you thank you

QWOD

quaff
(transitive verb, intransitive verb, noun)[kwof, kwaf]
transitive verb
1. to drink (a beverage) hurriedly or greedily: "Sera tried to quaff as many pints as she could before last call at the bar."
intransitive verb

Now send in you application's as positions are limited.

Be Good

A nice site featuring some cool SA artists and designers

www.soak.co.za

Knowledge on DMers, will it work?

There is actually a language called Azerbaijani. Mabey Tom ato (our historical editor) can fill us in on where they speak it. But the Azerbaijanies are known to be a very proud and wise race. Check this beautifull proverb:

Halva-halva demæklô ağız şirin olmaz
Literal translation: Mouth will not be sweet if you say halva

This is a halva:



So dont say it people, dont say the H word.
there's more:

Yetênæ yetir, yetmkyôn bir daş atır
Literal translation: Overtakes whom gets, and stones whom doesn't
Meaning: Referring to someone who harasses everyone

Tazıya tut deyir, dovşana qaç
Literal translation: To tell the dog to catch, and the rabbit to run.
Meaning: To play your enemies off against each other.

QWOD
Boondoggle
(noun, intransitive verb)
(transitive verb, adjective)[BOON·do'·gahl, BOON·dog'·ahl]
noun
1. work of little or no value done merely to look busy: "The Braai assitant thought he could get away with doing some boondoggle."

Hopefully you can boondoggle your way till the end of the day.
Cheerioozy

The Yoda story

I know I know I said never again will I say something about star wars, but this is big news, Huge infact, this is the core of it all, its the meaning. read on:

Just when you thought that George Lucas was serious when he said he was done with the Star Wars series, fans may pleasantly surprised.
It is being said that a seventh installment is being planned.Lucas had previously stated that Revenge of the Sith was to be the last. However, it looks like he has changed his mind and is currently developing a prequel to The Phantom Menace.
An movie insider has revealed: “George believes there are even more stories to tell. His latest idea would feature an almost all-new cast, apart from the Jedi master Yoda, who would be the hero of the new movie.”The film in question would be set 100 years earlier than the current movies.If Lucas made Yoda the hero, it would be a popular move with Star Wars fans.Yoda, voiced by Frank Oz, is the one who trained Luke Skywalker to defeat Darth Vadar and is considered to be a cult hero among devotees.
It has been said that since Lucas doesn’t need the money after the success of the first six films, he will try to take a back seat throughout the latest film’s production.

Just to keep you interested in the future

Almost forgot the QWOD

ABOYNE (vb.) To beat an expert at a game of skill by playing so appallingly that none of his clever tactics or strategies are of any use to him."

Le Mans

My car knowledge is absolutely purely asthetic. When I open a bonnet all I see is the place there you put water in and further I see thingy's. So dont expect to many stories about car from me. but look at this bad boy. Audi has indeed given the thumbs up to the mass production of the Quattro Le Mans Supercar. What a beauty. I realy like it when a car designer has been brave with his lines.

When can you expect to buy yours? Well if you are a European (Moira, Rosemary) then you can pick it up with your milk in the first half of 2007 for a nice price starting at R724 000.
Look at those lights, its the future baby.



On the subject of transportation, i saw the best ever vanity plate ever ever. Imagine a pitch black Merc weaving throught traffic and just as you are about to lean on your hooter you see

STOLEN - WP

I wish i had a camera.

I've grown to realize the joy that comes from little victories is preferable to the fun that comes from ease and the pursuit of pleasure.
Lawana Blackwell, The Courtship of the Vicar's Daughter, 1998

Dark side of die Emmer

In these dark days I am feeling all alone out here, like that guy from the house of paint ad on the radio. (which i used to love cause i thought the main guy was supposed to be a sensitive 80's brother (like Sensual chocolate from Coming to America), then I found out that it was just a bad imitation of the donkey from Shrek. "its a advertising dream"). Well old Mr. J just moved office and he informs me that his new station does not have internet yet and Sera has been confronted by her boss due to her "f*cking around during work time". Ha ha ha, When its day time, its pay time, Saartjie. So 2 of our main contributors will be low profiling for a while. Is it the end? NNNNOOOOOO, no its not, you other lazy asses must just get up from under you blankie's and get posting (just to get us through these lean times).

New CD from Morcheeba, good as usual. Their sound keeps growing with the times. Yes go give it a listen. I know you have been think of what CD to buy this month.

A Slammity Jammity 3 thumbs up.

True luck consists not in holding the best of the cards at the table; luckiest is he who knows just when to rise and go home.

John Hay (1838 - 1905),

Quintessential word of the day:

enervate

(transitive verb, adjective)[EN�ahr�vayt'] transitive verb

1. to weaken physically, mentally, or morally; "All you Mofo's seem to be feeling quite enervated by the strain of posting."

-just a early enquery of whats happeng this weekend. I am indeed staying in town so I am ready to wake up this Slaapstad. Hopefully this enthusiam will last till the weekend